Tag Archives: self-help

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 2

Healing Heartache in Family Lines

Greetings! This week is Part 2 or our 3-part series on Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded.
If you missed Part 1, click here.

In co-dependent relationships, people put aside their own vital self-care and innate well-being and values to maintain a relationship with another person. They often feed off the neediness of another or devote all their life’s time and attention to them.

As a reminder from Part 1, Co-dependence is not the same as becoming “one-in-purpose” like in a healthy, harmonious relationship where two people interrelate with each other without losing their sense of individual gifts, strengths and identity and without compromising their values.

I spoke about how most professionals agree that co-dependency is about the loss of self-hood.
John Bradshaw states that “Co-dependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life. Happiness is on the outside. Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. Pia Mellody’s definition of co-dependency is “a state of dis – ease whereby the authentic self is unknown or kept hidden, so that a sense of self … of mattering … of esteem and connectedness to others is distorted, creating pain and distorted relationships.”

Think about it, if we keep looking outside ourself to feel like we matter, we face an impossible task and are constantly left unsatisfied since we don’t control, but only influence, the feelings of others. I speak more about this in my book, 3 Steppingstones to Feel Better About Yourself.

Co-dependency can leave men and women feeling like the walking wounded because
in co-dependent relationships people, including couples, who struggle with codependency often try to control each other to get what they want. Control is a form of force, therefore, it does not suit our natural, intuitive desires to bond and connect safely and securely with other individuals. Patterns of manipulation develop, and manipulation is a disguised form of force. Safe, secure bonding promotes the happiness and well-being of both people in the relationship. The force and control found within co-dependent relationships do not achieve that kind of safety and security. It is a false bond that can seem like true connection.

In order to heal heartache in family lines, we must first understand the cause and heal, with God’s help, from the inside out. There can be many causes for the heartache, yet in this series of three messages, we are continuing our discussion of one of those causes, namely, co-dependence.

John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming points out, “To be co-dependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires,” and “Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems.”

Co-dependence fosters the loss of self-identity.

As you explore co-dependency, you will notice that freedom from destructive, dead-end generational patterns and beliefs, like co-dependence, makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress. The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.

Helpful Terms

Co-dependence should be distinguished as different from the inter-dependence found in healthy relationships.

It is helpful to understand the following terms and the meaning of each.

Dependent
Independent
Inter-dependent
Co-dependent

We are dependent as babies and in various degrees as we grow—In other words, we need others to be able to get what we want and need. Consider how an infant is dependent on adults to provide for their needs for food, shelter and more.
As we work toward becoming independent, we strive for self-mastery and maturity, or in other words, we seek to become fully responsible for our choices and accountable for their results.
Inter-dependence is combining our efforts with the efforts of others to achieve the highest good of all. When we are inter-dependent, we work together assertively—respecting our own feelings WHIL respecting the feelings of others. (This is not passive and not aggressive)

It’s important to recognize that Independence and Inter-dependence are NOT Selfish

Self-care is a crucial part of renewing our own energy to bring the best we have to offer to the table of cooperative, synergistic effort. It’s important to note that we can take time to edify, nourish and take care of our own mind, body and spirit without jeopardizing our ability to help and serve others. Selfishness is about the attitude and focus we have in serving ourselves in relation to others. Entirely self-focused effort while interacting with others is selfish.

So, let’s discuss co-dependence again

Beth Gilbert, in an article for Everyday Health says, “If your mood, happiness, and identity is defined by another person, then you could be in a codependent relationship. The word “codependency” gets thrown around a lot: There are codependent couples, codependent companions, and codependent caretakers. But what does codependent actually mean — and is it really all that bad?

“Codependency is typically discussed in the context of substance use, where one person is abusing the substance, and he or she depends on the other person to supply money, food, or shelter. But codependency is much broader than that,” says Jonathan Becker, DO, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.

“Codependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore,” Dr. Becker says. “Your mood, happiness, and identity are defined by the other person. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves, and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.”

Codependency becomes problematic when one person is taking advantage of the other financially or emotionally,” Becker says.

Do you see any co-dependent traits in yourself?

Remember to listen to for my podcasts, Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded:, Parts 1 and Part 3.

Need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns?

Access the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online course training to view at your own pace. Take a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. Our message is spreading across the globe. If you haven’t already, please go now and join the ChangeMaker Chain Breaker Phenomenon by JOINING the QUEST at FamilyTreeQuest.com so we can stay connected. We’re waiting for YOU!

As TODAY’s ChangeMaker Chain Breakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

It is my firm conviction that each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families. We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Please check out my books, audio books and courses that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond co-dependence. This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Course. Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

‘Till next time, THIS is Carolyn Calton

Click here to go to Part 3.

***
Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links or links to my own products.
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical or professional care.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 3

Greetings! This is part 3 of my 3-part message titled, Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded.

Co-dependency can leave men and women feeling like the walking wounded. John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming, says, quote“Codependency is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires.” End quote It is fostered in unhealthy family systems. It can go for generations without being understood or noticed. It fosters the loss of self-identity. If you feel like you don’t matter, co-dependent traits may be a large part of the cause.

It is my belief that we can change this destructive tendency in our day and age.

As a refresher, I hope you’ve had a chance to listen to Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Parts 1 and Part 2.

My message in Part 3 will be brief.

Now, let’s look at another sign of unhealthy co-dependence.

ENABLING

Enabling is another sign of an unhealthy co-dependence. Mary-Catherine Segota, a clinical psychologist at Counseling Resource Services in Winter Garden, Florida, describes enabling as a behavior that’s used to ease relationship tension caused by one partner’s problematic habits. Enabling behavior, which is rarely seen in healthy relationships, includes:

bailing your partner out0
repeatedly giving him or her another chance
ignoring the problem
accepting excuses
always being the one trying to fix the problem
constantly coming to the rescue

Codependent personalities usually follow a pattern of behaviors that are consistent, problematic, and directly interfere with the individual’s emotional health and ability to find fulfillment in a relationship.

Use my eBook or audio book, 3 Vital Steppingstones to Feel Better About Yourself and
find out what can lead you to having less chaotic stress and more hope and direction for a brighter future. Learn what to do and what to avoid in order to feel better about yourself.

If you are part of a dysfunctional family, in your quiet moments you may view yourself as wounded, broken, or socially impaired. Sometimes you may feel angry, hopeless, good-for-nothing, valueless. Sometimes you may overcompensate and be talkative about yourself and all your accomplishments, and yet want to hide what was oh-so-wrong with your upbringing or with your life now because it embarrasses you and you don’t want to be judged by other people. You may feel like you’re protecting someone. These are quiet, often unexpressed feelings of the heart that cause stress. People around you may never know what you really go through with these thoughts and feelings if you are getting up, going to work, or interacting with family, friends or people who simply cross your path in any way. You may appear “good at being an adult”, yet people don’t see that many times you’re playing a role and really don’t know what to do. You often feel stuck, unhappy, and you probably lacked good role models in your home of origin.

If you lived during your childhood or in your former relationships in a home full of dysfunctional behaviors playing out, or if you live now in a dysfunctional home and family, you may dread going home. You may be experiencing anxiety, depression, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There may be substance abuse, heated arguments, feuds, or the silent treatment going on. Psychological abuse or physical violence are all too common. Maybe your parents or you in your own home act like a dictator or were/are emotionally detached.

In dysfunctional families

Chaos is normal.
Achievements are often overlooked.
You feel like to need to “walk on eggshells”, be constantly alert and prepared for the worst.
You’re on high alert due to an unpredictable environment.
Apologies are rare.
You don’t learn how to deal with emotions in a healthy way.
and more

No wonder you may be out of touch with your thoughts, needs and feelings.

The good news is you have the power to make changes, and that change can start now.

You are NOT unlovable, powerless or responsible for someone else’s happiness.

You are responsible to take care of your own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, values, and beliefs and let other people take care of theirs

When you try to “make” someone happy and they are not satisfied, you set yourself up for co-dependency. Notice, when you want to “make” someone be happy, can you see how the concept of “make” can lead to you taking steps to force or manipulate outcomes, as you try to control how they will feel or respond. Most times WE are uncomfortable when they are not happy, so we’d like to do something to change that. We may be concerned about angry outbursts from them, receiving the silent treatment or so many other responses. We may also truly want them to be happy, but our feelings and interactions are really enmeshed with theirs and we often times don’t see clearly at all while determining what action to take..

So again, when you try to “make” someone happy and they are not satisfied, you set yourself up for co-dependency. Co-dependency is being excessively dependent on another person in an unhealthy way for validation, approval, or identity. Frustration and feelings of not being good enough will abound. You will place an unreasonable burden on yourself if you try to meet all the needs and expectations of others. Most often, it’s at the expense of your own well-being. Trying to control what’s impossible to control (meaning their thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, values, and beliefs) will only result in misery.

What you DO have is influence.

You’ll be happier when you foster healthy relationships. That effort does involve supporting each other’s happiness while recognizing and respecting each other’s individuality and right to make choices for themselves.

Among other things, you can:

Support and encourage others.
Care about and love them.
Create a nurturing environment.
Set healthy personal boundaries.
Practice empathy.
Focus on self-care.
Practice assertive communication.

Your job is to do YOUR job, nothing more! Take care of your own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, values, and beliefs and let other people take care of theirs. It’s an effort worth making,

My books, audio books and courses are designed to help you strengthen your ability to live beyond co-dependence. Part of this excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Course. You may also want to check out How to Be of Service Without Getting Hooked (meaning Getting Hooked into losing your own sense of inner worth by getting hooked into guilt, confusion, rejection, self-doubt, frustration, resentment, and depression. In it, I teach the life-changing materials of Marriage and Family Therapist and Ph.D., Ronald A Newsom. The video presentation will help you learn how to Think and Act with positive intent, regardless of the circumstances you encounter.

Let me help you break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

‘Till next time, THIS is Carolyn Calton

***
Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links or links to my own products.
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical or professional care.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 1

Listen to my podcast by clicking play above.

Greetings! Today’s topic is Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, part 1 of 3 parts.

Co-dependence is a quality that is prevalent when a person is exposed to consistent dysfunction in relationships. It is being excessively dependent on another person in an unhealthy way for validation, approval or identity.

We are gathering in the TODAY’s ChangeMaker Chain Breaker Phenomenon to break cycles of dysfunction, chaos and unpredictability in order to heal physically, emotionally and spiritually
so we no longer feel like the walking wounded who are lost in a sea of uncertainty and wandering without purpose or direction. Sometimes, we realize and know that we have never been taught the principles that lead to lasting happiness.

We all have an innate need for warm, caring, loving relationships. Then, how do we end up feeling like the walking wounded who have painful and sometimes tragic lives?
Understanding co-dependence can begin to unlock some very troubling and often unanswered questions.

Questions from the Walking Wounded

How do we become men or women who feel out of touch with our own feelings, needs and desires?
How did we become full of self-doubts? Why are some of us continually longing for something more than experiencing fear, shame, loneliness, depression, anxious-thinking, or deep sadness that seem to encompass our very soul?
What happened to our spontaneous sense of wonder and to our natural creativity?
What happened to our happiness and why?

Well, We All Need Security and Healthy Modeling of Emotions

John Bradshaw offers an explanation relating to children, but since we need healthy modeling of emotions all during our lives, I believe this information can be appreciated and related to as applying to adults, at times of departure from our true worth, as well as to children.

In your mind, imagine two pictures of a 14-year-old boy.
The first picture shows a teenager whose home is full of distress, and the next teen represents a child that has a healthier home environment.
The first youth is sitting on a sofa with knees bent and his feet up on the sofa. His arms are folded on his knees and his head is resting on his arms. You cannot see his eyes but know he’s very sad, discouraged and he may have no idea what to do.
The next child is smiling from ear to ear. His hands are simply folded in front of him because he’s posing for a picture.
The contrast between the two is striking and the emotion of each child is evident. One is terribly sad, distraught and discouraged, vs the other, who is happy, almost joyful and free to be who he was created to be.

According to Bradshaw in his book Homecoming, he says quote “Children need security and healthy modeling of emotions in order to understand their own inner signals. They also need help in separating their thoughts from their feelings.” He points out how, when the child experiences extreme distress or trauma in the family environment , “the child must focus solely on the outside. Over time, he loses the ability to generate self-esteem from within. Without a healthy inner life, one is exiled to trying to find fulfillment on the outside. This is co-dependence

So, What is Co-dependence?

Bradshaw goes on to say, quote “To be codependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires.” End quote

Co-dependence is not the same as becoming “one-in-purpose” like in a healthy, harmonious relationship where two people interrelate with each other without losing their sense of individual gifts, strengths and identity and without compromising their values.

In co-dependent relationships, people put aside their own vital self-care and innate well-being and values to maintain a relationship with another. They often feed off the neediness of another or devote all their life’s time and attention to them.

As you’re growing up or, even as an adult, when you trust and depend on someone that’s, in reality, not dependable, you can develop co-dependence without even knowing it. Emotional deficits begin to exist. Painful patterns of behavior develop. Co-dependency can develop even if you’ve had a peaceful upbringing. It can begin even if you’re bringing your own best efforts to a relationship and are willing to do what it takes to create harmony and fun.

When things aren’t going like you expected, you just recognize something’s off, but may not be able to put your finger on exactly what’s going wrong.

Let’s talk about The Loss of Self-hood

In a PBS special long ago, John Bradshaw used a mobile, which is kind of like a wind chime, to illustrate what happens in co-dependent relationships. The mobile is at rest, yet when one piece is tugged on, all the other pieces, of necessity, move. That’s how it is in a family system. If there’s someone with control issues, anger issues or addictions and so forth, the whole system is out of balance and strives to regain equilibrium again.

Most professionals agree that co-dependency is about the LOSS of self-hood. Bradshaw also states that “Co-dependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life. Happiness is on the outside. Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. Pia Mellody’s definition of co-dependency is “a state of dis – ease whereby the authentic self is unknown or kept hidden, so that a sense of self … of mattering … of esteem and connectedness to others is distorted, creating pain and distorted relationships.”

Bradshaw also says, “Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems. For example, everyone in an alcoholic family becomes co-dependent on the alcoholic’s drinking. The alcoholic father is absorbed in drinking and the codependent mother is absorbed with the alcoholic. Because the drinking is so life-threatening to each family member, they adapt by becoming chronically alert (which is called being hypervigilant). Adaptation to stress was intended by nature to be a temporary state. It was never intended to be chronic. Over time, a person living with the chronic distress of alcoholic behavior loses touch with his own internal cues—his own feelings, needs, and desires. The same is true for any … chronic distress, including addictions to work or …activities, eating disorders, addictions to control or perfectionism, or mental or physical illness.”

So, What’s Next?

Watch for Co—dependence: The Walking Wounded, Parts 2 and Part 3.

Do you need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns?

Access the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. online course trainings to view at your own pace. Take a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. AND, if you haven’t already, please go now and join the ChangeMaker Chain Breaker Phenomenon by JOINING the QUEST at FamilyTreeQuest.com so we can stay connected. We’re waiting for YOU!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

‘Till next time, THIS is Carolyn Calton

***
Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links or links to my own products.
This information is for educational purposes only and is not intended to replace medical or professional care.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

3 Significant Reasons Writing in a Journal Elevates Emotional Health

More than documenting events, like a diary, I’ve used my journals to record and work through my feelings. I’ve discovered 3 significant benefits of journaling that can help anyone who is serious about learning from the past, and not staying stuck in it. (Which is one of the 3 Guiding Purposes of men and women who are on a Family Tree Quest to help, and not hurt, themselves or others while creating positive growth.) In order to create that growth, journaling can be an enormous tool to help one move forward–in spite of obstacles.

3 reasons journaling can help you elevate your emotional health are these:

Journaling your thoughts can help you:
1) Regain perspective and a feeling of emotional grounding quickly
2) Clarify what you’re feeling and why
3) Move through (process) the emotions that could easily distract or side-swipe you and keep you stuck so you can respond proactively, rather than reactively,

Journaling, the JOURNALriffic way, Is a powerful tool to help you find productive solutions within yourself and in your most meaningful relationships in the shortest amount of time, so a plan of action then becomes clear that helps you move forward with whatever decision you make or conclusion you reach.

When you see your own thoughts in writing, you can begin to see patterns in yourself and in relationships, so you can more easily make self-corrections, or have the needed conversations with others to improve relationships, etc.

As the author of JOURNALriffic–Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery, I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials. I am well-acquainted with blighted hopes, shattered dreams and unfulfilled desires both individually and with my family’s circumstances, yet I’ve learned to be positive and happy by choice. I’ve also dealt with lingering physical challenges and constant pain as a result of three car accidents. Although I’ve faced times of extreme disappointment and much of my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, I continue to find solutions to challenges, and I still love my life because I stay engaged in the process of creating a happy one.

With JOURNALriffic, you too, can address thoughts as they come up as a result of your present experiences. This way, you do not pull your past into your present moments and project it into the future. The idea is to work through your emotions and challenges and consistently work toward turning your weaknesses into strengths so you can enjoy your life. You will come to understand who you really are in light of the truth that no matter your past choices or experiences, you are not your history. You will begin to clearly see that you create your life in your present moments. Each day is a new beginning and holds countless opportunities for enjoyment, peace and the satisfying rewards of unselfish love.

If you are looking for a tool to help you create positive generational change so that trauma and distress are not passed forward, you’ve found it!

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace. Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.
CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Navigating Your Emotions Using JOURNALriffic

JOURNALriffic is a powerful tool to help you leave your life story better than you found it–especially if you have experienced childhood or adult relationship trauma or distress–including divorce, your own or in your family line.

Have you tried the JOURNALriffic Method to navigate your emotions in a proactive, rather than reactive, manner, and conserve your emotional energy as you settle issues quickly in your mind?

Integrating the JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, into your daily routine will help you become grounded in new habits that bring positive results. You can generate increased desires to live in more complete alignment with your intrinsic, inner worth—even if you’ve made poor or destructive choices in the past. The steps can help you develop qualities that will allow you to strengthen and improve your relationships with others. They will help you discover and reframe any negative thought, habit and belief patterns that do not serve your best and highest good. If you have had severe challenges, you will be actively engaging your power of personal choice to help and not hurt yourself and others.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

JOURNALriffic- Things You’ll Love!

There is so much to love about the JOURNALriffic guided method of journaling- especially if you have experienced the ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse.

As you put the JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, into action, you’ll form a habit of writing that will help you gain clarity regarding your present circumstances. You’ll also be better equipped to recognize the next best steps to take as you continue moving forward. Your habits of self-reflection can help you respond differently to your most upsetting emotional triggers You may find yourself responding better to conflict, or you might notice less and less negative self-talk. You may even be developing more patience and be able to see things from another person’s point of view while remaining secure with having and expressing your own point of view. It becomes exciting to take the proactive stance of strengthening your character by incorporating universal principles. You may also be thrilled to consistently increase your positive influence for good as you watch the undeniable ripple-effect of your simple choice to take the time to work through any roadblocks.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Styles of Journal Writing. Which is Best for You?

The kinds of journals people keep are many and varied. They include gratitude journals, poetry journals, reading journals, journals written by topic, family journals, nature journals, personal development journals, meditation and devotion journals and more.

There are different styles of journal keeping that range from more traditional writing to writing in creative journals, complete with pictures and art. Choose any type of blank journal you like. There is a large selection of journals on the market. You can also choose blank books or create your own journal from a binder or spiral bound notebook. If you like art, you can decorate your own cover, but what’s really important is what you write inside.

The JOURNALriffic method of journal-keeping sets itself apart from the rest. With JOURNALriffic you will have, at your fingertips, a guided-journaling method to use when you want to conserve your emotional energy and settle an issue quickly in your mind. You will be following universal principles that govern happy relationships instead of staying stuck in criticism, blame, shame, stress or anxiety. Use it when you know that you don’t know what to do next as well as when you want to easily keep a daily record of your life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker—one who desires to elevate your thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns in order to help, and not hurt, yourself and others.

Daily journal writing, the JOURNALriffic way leads to

Less stress
- Healthier relationships
- Confidence
- Positive self-development
- Clarity of your life’s purpose
- Greater peace of mind

JOURNALriffic guided-journaling is a perfect match for the needs of those who have experienced the ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse.

There are so many reasons to write in your journal. What suits your purposes, and which is best for you?

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Are you angry, afraid or ashamed?

Are you sometimes downright angry, afraid or ashamed?

Try this ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day.

Write in a journal to give your feelings a voice. There is no need to deny or repress what you truly feel when you write it on paper or type it on a computer.

Once expressed use the JOURNALriffic Method—the 4 Steps of Discovery. You will be able to choose for yourself how to move through your emotions toward solutions in a proactive, rather than reactive manner.

I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials. I am well-acquainted with blighted hopes, shattered dreams and unfulfilled desires both individually and with my family’s circumstances, yet I’ve learned to be positive and happy by choice. I’ve also dealt with lingering physical challenges and constant pain as a result of three car accidents. Although I’ve faced times of extreme disappointment and much of my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, I continue to find solutions to challenges, and I still love my life because I stay engaged in the process of creating a happy one.

With JOURNALriffic, you will address thoughts as they come up as a result of your present experiences. The idea is to work through your emotions and challenges and consistently work toward turning your weaknesses into strengths and enjoying your life. You will come to understand who you really are in light of the truth that no matter your past choices or experiences, you are not your history. You will begin to clearly see that you create your life in your present moments. Each day is a new beginning and holds countless opportunities for enjoyment, peace and the satisfying rewards of unselfish love.

Dr. Ronald Newsom gets right to the bottom line of defining your true identity when he says, “You are a good, unique person, endowed by your Creator, with sovereign [self-governing] power to act as a free, independent agent.”¹
You have the intrinsic, God-given power to act and not be acted upon. With the help of JOURNALriffic, you will learn to use that power to move quickly through the process of aligning your thoughts, feelings and actions with your innate, individual worth. By doing so, you will ignite the proactive power within you which ignites the power of generations and provides far-reaching benefits. As you stay actively engaged in leaving your life story better than you found it, your doubts, insecurities, limitations and fears will diminish. You can proceed with vigor on the path that enables you to contribute your positive influence to the lives of those around you in your present moments.

It is my hope that you will benefit from this method of journaling so that you can extend your positive influence toward others in such a way that you will feel great satisfaction while taking deliberate action steps to experience more joy as you proactively create lasting happiness.

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.

***
1Newsom, Dr. Ronald. Life, Liberty, Happiness: Rediscovering Your True Identity. n.p. April 2013. Print

Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Step Out of Your Sorrow and Pain. Use JOURNALriffic.

Step out of your sorrow and pain

Whatever your circumstance, not one of us has been exempt from experiencing sorrow as well as happiness and pain as well as pleasure. Reflecting on your life’s experiences and choosing to consistently write in your journal about the good times will help preserve the sweetness, fun, thrill, adventure and excitement in life.

On the flip side, making conscious efforts to turn your pain into your purpose as TODAY’s ChangeMaker is more challenging in many ways, yet it is a worthy goal that I’m prepared to help you implement.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

By using the JOURNALriffic™ 4 Steps of Discovery as a guide, you will be taking the steps needed to create and maintain positive, life-enhancing change in your life. You can use your journal as your own form of history-in-the-making. It can become a written record of your commitment and efforts to leave life better than you found it.

These steps will enable you to emotionally process your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, actions, values and beliefs in order to see the interactions, patterns and events of your life clearly. With clarity, you are perfectly positioned to choose the best course of action for yourself. You will use your inner wisdom as a guide for making better and better decisions in your present moments—while allowing your guiding purpose as TODAY’s ChangeMaker to propel you forward.

The JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, will help you zero in more specifically on those things you want to improve upon, so you can leave a living legacy of rising above obstacles in order to create positive growth in this generation.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Need Emotional Vitality? Use your journal!

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day. Use your journal!

Turning Pain Into Purpose

Whether you grew up in an intact family or were born into a family that feels broken and full of destructive tendencies and influences, I think we can all agree that somewhere, deep inside us, there is a desire to leave our life story better than we found it. Somehow, each of us wants to know that our life has meaning and purpose and that our personal existence makes a positive difference in the world.

JOURNALriffic guided-journaling is a perfect match for the needs of those who have experienced the ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse.

Harness the power of journaling using the 4 Steps of Discovery!
Get your copy of JOURNALriffic NOW!

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

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Questions from the Walking Wounded

Well, We All Need Security and Healthy Modeling of Emotions

So, What is Co-dependence?

Let’s talk about The Loss of Self-hood

So, What’s Next?

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

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