Tag Archives: genealogy

Black background, young child with tear from eye, young woman and young man sad beyond belief

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 2

Healing Heartache in Family Lines

Co-dependency can leave men and women feeling like the walking wounded because
in co-dependent relationships people, including couples, who struggle with codependency often try to control each other. Control is a form of force, therefore, it does not suit our natural, intuitive desires to bond and connect safely and securely with other individuals. Safe, secure bonding promotes the happiness and well-being of both of the people in the relationship. The force and control found within co-dependent relationships do not achieve that kind of safety and security.  It is a false bond that can seem like true connection.

In order to heal heartache in family lines, we must first understand the cause. There can be many causes, yet in this series of three blog posts, we are continuing our discussion of one of those causes, namely, co-dependence.

John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming points out “To be co-dependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires,” and “Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems.”

Co-dependence fosters the loss of self-identity.

As you explore co-dependency, you will notice that freedom from destructive, dead-end generational patterns and beliefs, like co-dependence, makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress.  The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.  

Helpful Terms


Co-dependence should be distinguished as different from the inter-dependence found in healthy relationships.


It is helpful to understand the following terms and the meaning of each.

  • Dependent
  • Independent
  • Inter-dependent
  • Co-dependent

We are dependent as babies and in various degrees as we grow—In other words, we need others to be able to get what we want and need.  As we work toward becoming independent, we strive for self-mastery and maturity, or in other words, we seek to become fully responsible for our choices and accountable for their results.
Inter-dependence is combining our efforts with the efforts of others to achieve the highest good of all. When we are inter-dependent, we work together assertively—respecting our own feelings WHILE respecting the feelings of others. (This is Not passive and not aggressive)

Independence and Inter-dependence Are Not Selfish

Self-care is a crucial part of renewing our own energy to bring the best we have to offer to the table of cooperative, synergistic effort.  It’s important to note that we can take time to edify, nourish and take care of our own mind, body and spirit without it jeopardizing our ability to help and serve others.  Selfishness is about the attitude and focus we have in serving ourselves in relation to others. Entirely self-focused effort while interacting with others is selfish.

More about co-dependence

Beth Gilbert, in an article for Everyday Health says, “If your mood, happiness, and identity is defined by another person, then you could be in a codependent relationship.The word “codependency” gets thrown around a lot: There are codependent couples, codependent companions, and codependent caretakers. But what does codependent actually mean — and is it really all that bad?

“Codependency is typically discussed in the context of substance use, where one person is abusing the substance, and he or she depends on the other person to supply money, food, or shelter. But codependency is much broader than that,” says Jonathan Becker, DO, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.

 “Codependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore,” Dr. Becker says. “Your mood, happiness, and identity are defined by the other person. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves, and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.”

Codependency becomes problematic when one person is taking advantage of the other financially or emotionally,” Becker says.

Need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns?

Watch for our Healing Your Family The Walking Wounded:  Co—dependence, Parts 1 and Part 3 (upcoming).

Access our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online class trainings to view at your own pace. There is a mini-class that helps you elevate your thought, patterns, habit patterns and family patterns (just the basics), and a complete class that takes a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. If you’re looking for small group support as well as online coaching, so you can put an end to the isolation of feeling alone, JOIN US for our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles. We’re waiting for YOU!

CLICK HERE to view ALL the free presentations and other current support we can offer you.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond co-dependence.  An excerpt in this blog post has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. COMPLETE Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 


About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Black background, young child with tear from eye, young woman and young man sad beyond belief

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 1

We all have innate need for warm, caring, loving relationships.  Then, how do we end up feeling like the walking wounded who have painful and sometimes tragic lives? Understanding co-dependence can begin to unlock some very troubling and often unanswered questions.

Questions from the Walking Wounded

  • How do we become men or women who feel out of touch with our own feelings, needs and desires?
  • How did we become full of self-doubts?  Why are some of us continually longing for something more than experiencing fear, shame, loneliness, depression, anxious-thinking, or deep sadness that seem to encompass our very soul?
  • What happened to our spontaneous sense of wonder and to our natural creativity?
  • What happened to our happiness and why?


We All Need Security and Healthy Modeling of Emotions

John Bradshaw offers an explanation relating to children, but since we need healthy modeling of emotions all during our lives, I believe this information can be appreciated and related to as applying to adults, at times of departure from our true worth, as well as to children.

Notice these two pictures of children. The first picture shows a child whose home is full of distress, and the next child represents a child that has a healthier home environment.

According to Bradshaw in his book Homecoming, he says “Children need security and healthy modeling of emotions in order to understand their own inner signals.  They also need help in separating their thoughts from their feelings.” He points out how, when the child’s experiences extreme distress or trauma in the family environment , “the child must focus solely on the outside.  Over time, he loses the ability to generate self-esteem from within. Without a healthy inner life, one is exiled to trying to find fulfillment on the outside.   This is co-dependence

What is Co-dependence

Bradshaw goes on to say, “To be codependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires.”

Co-dependence is not the same as becoming “one-in-purpose” like in a healthy, harmonious relationship where two people interrelate with each other without losing their sense of individual gifts, strengths and identity and without compromising their values.

In co-dependent relationships, people put aside their own vital self-care and innate well-being and values to maintain a relationship with another.  They often feed off the neediness of another or devote all their life’s time and attention to them.

As you’re growing up or, even as an adult, when you trust and depend on someone that’s, in reality, not dependable, you can develop co-dependence without even knowing it.  Emotional deficits begin to exist.  Painful patterns of behavior develop. Co-dependency can develop even if you’ve had a peaceful upbringing. It can begin even if you’re bringing your own best efforts to a relationship and are willing to do what it takes to create harmony and fun.  When things aren’t going like you expected, you just recognize something’s off, but may not be able to put your finger on exactly what’s going wrong.

The Loss of Self-hood

In a PBS special long ago, John Bradshaw used a mobile, which is kind of like a wind chime, to illustrate what happens in co-dependent relationships. The mobile is at rest, yet when one piece is tugged on, all the other pieces, of necessity, move.  That’s how it is in a family system, If there’s someone with control issues, anger issues or addictions and so forth, the whole system is out of balance and strives to regain equilibrium again.

Most professionals agree that co-dependency is about the loss of self-hood. Bradshaw also states that “Co-dependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life.  Happiness is on the outside.  Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. Pia Mellody’s definition of co-dependency is “a state of dis – ease whereby the authentic self is unknown or kept hidden, so that a sense of self … of mattering … of esteem and connectedness to others is distorted, creating pain and distorted relationships.”

Bradshaw also says, “Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems. For example, everyone in an alcoholic family becomes co-dependent on the alcoholic’s drinking. The alcoholic father is absorbed in drinking and the codependent mother is absorbed with the alcoholic.  Because the drinking is so life-threatening to each family member, they adapt by becoming chronically alert (hypervigilant).  Adaptation to stress was intended by nature to be a temporary state.  It was never intended to be chronic. Over time, a person living with the chronic distress of alcoholic behavior loses touch with his own internal cues—his own feelings, needs, and desires.The same is true for any … chronic distress, including addictions to work or …activities, eating disorders, addictions to control or perfectionism, or mental or physical illness.”

What’s Next?

Watch for Co—dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 2 and Part 3.

Need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns? 


Access our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online class trainings to view at your own pace. There is a mini-class that helps you elevate your thought, patterns, habit patterns and family patterns (just the basics), and a complete class that takes a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. If you’re looking for small group support as well as online coaching, so you can put an end to the isolation of feeling alone, JOIN US for our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles. Watch for the next enrollment dates. We’re waiting for YOU!

CLICK HERE to view ALL the free presentations and other current support we can offer you.

You Are TODAY’S ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond
co-dependence.  This excerpt in this blog post has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Complete Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 

CLICK HERE to see all the free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Life’s Journey Prompts-What’s Your Story?

In my opinion, there’s nothing better than journal prompts to use while recording one’s personal history.  An overwhelming task, broken down into bite-sized chunks, becomes totally manageable.

This year I am participating in the #52Stories Project from FamilySearch.org. in order to become a positive INfluence on my family’s inter-generational narrative. Will you join me?

Follow a weekly prompt to write down just one story every week for a year.  By the end of a year, you will be 52 steps and 52 stories closer to having written your personal history.

Don’t worry about missing some prompts.  Start wherever you are.

I use Personal Historian 2 Software to record and organize my personal history by topic as well as my daily journal entries.

Challenge:  Write down the details of your life to “define the dash” that exists between your birth date and death date.

Here are the #52Stories life journey prompts for January through March:

January Theme: Goals and Achievements.  Click here for questions to answer for January.

February Theme: Love and Friendship.  Click here for questions to answer for February.

March Theme: Occupations and Hobbies.  Click here for questions to answer for March.

As you write your Life’s Journey experiences  as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™

  • It will help you see and evaluate your own life more clearly.
  • It will provide INcouragement and awareness for your loved ones who come after you.
  • Family members, including your posterity, will be able to become acquainted with who you really are, not just with who you seem to be, because your thoughts and feelings will be accurate since they come straight from you
  • Some of your loved ones may be able to avoid some pitfalls because of the lessons you’ve learned and passed to them through your written words and through your experiences.
  • You are helping to light the path and lead the way for them to follow, as you gain and maintain physical, emotional and spiritual security for yourself in this topsy-turvy world.

Do not be afraid of your imperfections.  You are not your history.  You may be the catalyst for positive change your family line is waiting for.

Heal the heartbreak of dysfunction and stress in yourself and your family line.
End the isolation of feeling alone in your journey to create positive change with these helpful classes, coaching and small group connections.
Check out our ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles.

Personal History Tool Tips for Spring and Summer:

Flip-Pal™ mobile scanner –  Portable, easy flip-and-scan-technology.  You can even scan pictures in the frame or while they remain in their photo albums!  I sit on the sofa in comfort and scan to my hearts delight.  My grandson’s love to help.  This is a great summer project that connects the whole family to their positive memories.

Legacy Family Tree Software– is the software I use to easily preserve my genealogical information.  It is important to have a software on your computer for your records.  Don’t rely on online record-keeping alone.

Family ChartMasters– Create a beautiful, Family Tree Chart for your home to strengthen your posterity. Remember your roots and also your one-and-only, unique and vital place on your family tree.

JOURNALriffic– Use the journaling method—the 4 Steps of Discovery—in the ebook I authored.  It was written specifically for TODAY’s ChangeMakers like you. It will you how to put an end to negative thinking and destructive tendencies in yourself or your family line in order to enjoy more peace-of-mind and happiness.

*****

Note:  TODAY’s ChangeMakers™ are sincere, determined men and women who do not give up on creating positive change—in spite of obstacles.  If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com.
*****
Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the owner or a compensated affiliate of the hyperlinked companies, websites, ebooks, classes and membership circles mentioned in this post.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

What’s Your Story- Life’s Journey Prompt #1

This year I am participating in the #52Stories Project from FamilySearch.org. in order to become a positive INfluence on my family’s inter-generational narrative. Will you join me?

The idea is to follow a weekly prompt to write down just one story every week for a year.  By the end of the year, you will be 52 steps and 52 stories closer to having written your personal history.

I use Personal Historian 2 Software to record and organize my personal history by topic as well as my journal entries.

Challenge:  Write down the details of your life to “define the dash” that exists between your birth date and death date.

This week’s #52Stories life journey prompt is:

Why write down your experiences?

Your experiences as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™ are of great worth.  Be sure to write them down.

Ordinary events help people know who you really are from the INside out and how you think and operate in the world.  Happy times uplift us. Many of us have come through or are coming through some real rough patches along the way, too. The steps you take and courage you muster to do the almost-impossible has value for those who may follow in your footsteps as they traverse their own path in life.  Never underestimate the value of lessons learned through experiencing difficulty, adversity and personal trials.  Also, sharing happy times brings hope to others when they see that there’s more to life than drudging through it.

Through writing down your life experiences and observations, it may become crystal clear to you and others how an individual can become their best, most happy and capable selves.  You may learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and in contract, you can see what detracts from and destroys them.  This knowledge can help you develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of your family line.  It can become a major driver for living a purpose-filled life.  It can help bring direction to the course of life. You may be able to see thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns through writing things down that help you see what helps you stay strong and, on the other hand, you will be better positioned to identify what is destructive so you can take steps to help change it.

Ready, Set, GROW!

Heal the heartbreak of dysfunction and stress in yourself and your family line.
End the isolation of feeling alone in your journey to create positive change with these helpful classes, coaching and small group connections.
Check out our ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles.

Personal History Tool Tip of the Week
JOURNALriffic– Use the journaling method—the 4 Steps of Discovery—in the ebook I authored.  It was written specifically for TODAY’s ChangeMakers like you. It will you how to put an end to negative thinking and destructive tendencies in yourself or your family line in order to enjoy more peace-of-mind and happiness.

*****
Note:  TODAY’s ChangeMakers™ are sincere, determined men and women who do not give up on creating positive change—in spite of obstacles.  If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com.

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the owner or a compensated affiliate of the hyperlinked companies, websites, ebooks, classes and membership circles mentioned in this post.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

God did hear our cries and answer our prayers.

Vector background with grass

TIP:  Learn from the faith-promoting experiences of others–especially from those who are a member of your own family line.

I was reading this morning about a people who were living a fairly ordinary life, and then they were attacked. (Interesting how life sometimes goes when all is going well, and we are slow to remember the Lord.) These people remembered that they could be delivered “out of the hands of their enemies” because of THIS. They said, “for we were awakened to a remembrance of the deliverance of our fathers. And God did hear our cries and did answer our prayers; and we did go forth in his might.”*

Even though these people lived thousands of years ago, the records they kept and the stories passed down from their forefathers helped them awaken to the source of strength and INsight and deliverance from their enemies that could help them beyond their own capacity.  How many of us, when times get tough, remember something we may have forgotten about the strength, fortitude, resilience amid great obstacles or trials, that a family member of our own went through and rose above.  There are countless stories of faith and fortitude waiting to be discovered within our own family history.

Last night I was watching the show 17 Miracles. Among my heritage are many Mormon Pioneers.  The particular company of pioneers depicted in this movie left for their destination late in the season, and they endured hardships beyond comprehension.  They were all just mortal men, women and children who were trying to do the best they could for their families.  They faced extreme and severe circumstances with hunger, fatigue, death, deprivation, equipment failure, and so much more that called for extraordinary faith and endurance.  Amidst it all, there were miracles.

During a time of extreme hunger, one woman obtained beef jerky in a miraculous way.  She returned to the camp and shared with her children and others.  No doubt this saved lives.  At the end of the show, it tells of how one of her family members did not believe this story–even though she had sacrificed so much and endured much hardship. Later, thankfully, someone else from the company mentioned it in the presence of the one who did not believe it.

After watching the show, it seemed so sad to me that her own family member wouldn’t understand or believe which must have been life-saving and such a blessing to her. I think many faithful parents in today’s world may somehow relate to this–even though our times and unique challenges are very different.   In my own way, I identify with the feeling of sacrificing your all for the sake of your family members, only to be often misunderstood or criticized for the very thing that kept you and them alive–physically, emotionally or spiritually.

It was encouraging to remember that the awareness of the value of our faith in God and fortitude amid trials and obstacles may even jump a generation or two before being rediscovered, yet our sacrifices are not lost.  It may be the very thing that helps one of our posterity to be strong and encouraged amidst their own trials with faith, family, friends or circumstances.

Whose story in your family line is waiting to be known or rediscovered?

Gordon B Hinckley shared this account of the rescue of those spoken of in the movie 17 Miracles.

“It was in … desperate and terrible circumstances—hungry, exhausted, their clothes thin and ragged—that [the handcart companies] were found by the rescue party. As the rescuers appeared on the western horizon breaking a trail through the snow, they seemed as angels of mercy. And indeed they were. The beleaguered emigrants shouted for joy, some of them. Others, too weak to shout, simply wept and wept and wept.

“There was now food to eat and some warmer clothing. But the suffering was not over, nor would it ever end in mortality. Limbs had been frozen, and the gangrenous flesh sloughed off from the bones.

“The carts were abandoned, and the survivors were crowded into the wagons of the rescuers. The long rough journey of three hundred, four hundred, even five hundred miles between them and this valley was especially slow and tedious because of the storms. On November 30, 104 wagons, loaded with suffering human cargo, came into the Salt Lake Valley. Word of their expected arrival had preceded them. It was Sunday, and again the Saints were gathered in the Tabernacle. Brigham Young stood before the congregation and said:

“‘As soon as this meeting is dismissed I want the brethren and sisters to repair to their homes. …

“‘The afternoon meeting will be omitted, for I wish the sisters to … prepare to give those who have just arrived a mouthful of something to eat, and to wash them and nurse them. …

“‘Some you will find with their feet frozen to their ankles; some are frozen to their knees and some have their hands frosted … ; we want you to receive them as your own children, and to have the same feeling for them’ (quoted in Hafen, Handcarts to Zion, p. 139)” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 76–77; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 54).

Francis Webster, a member of the Martin Handcart Company said, “Mistake to send the Handcart Company out so late in the season? Yes! But I was in that company and my wife was in it….We suffered beyond anything you can imagine and many died of exposure and starvation, but did you ever hear a survivor of that company utter a word of criticism? Every one of us came through with the absolute knowledge that God lives for we became acquainted with Him in our extremities!”

In 1996, Gordon B. Hinckley, referring to the suffering of the Martin and Willie handcart companies,  said:

“I am grateful that those days of pioneering are behind us. I am thankful that we do not have brethren and sisters stranded in the snow, freezing and dying… But there are people, not a few, whose circumstances are desperate and who cry out for help and relief.

“There are so many who are hungry and destitute across this world who need help. … Ours is a great and solemn duty to reach out and help them, to lift them, to feed them if they are hungry, to nurture their spirits if they thirst for truth and righteousness.

“There are so many young people who wander aimlessly and walk the tragic trail of drugs, gangs, immorality, and the whole brood of ills that accompany these things. There are widows who long for friendly voices and that spirit of anxious concern which speaks of love. There are those who were once warm in the faith, but whose faith has grown cold. Many of them wish to come back but do not know quite how to do it. They need friendly hands reaching out to them. With a little effort, many of them can be brought back to feast again at the table of the Lord.

“… I would hope, I would pray that each of us … would resolve to seek those who need help, who are in desperate and difficult circumstances, and lift them in the spirit of love … (in Conference Report, Oct. 1996, 118; or Ensign, Nov. 1996, 86).

INspired Action Steps:  It’s now your turn on earth.  Who will you lift and serve?  What will be your story of faithful obedience to God?  There are those in your family line who follow you.  Rejoice that we live in a day of opportunity.  Rejoice that we have the opportunity to choose living a life with faith in Christ being fully planted in our hearts.  There are and will always be miracles.  I INcourage you to faithfully use your INfluence for good, and, in doing so, you will see the hand of God unfold in your life and in the lives of others in unlimited miraculous ways.

If you’d like to comment, please visit my Family Tree Gal Facebook Page and comment under the reference to this post there.

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* Mosiah 9: 14-19
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Notice of material connection:  I am an affiliate of Amazon.com

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

What’s Your Story? Life’s Journey Prompt #4

1- What's Your Story, spring-summer. 300 x 300

This year on Family Tree Friday, I INcourage you to use one prompt a week to write or type your Life’s Journey as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

Here’s this week’s What’s Your Story- Life’s journey prompt:

What memories do you have of your mother (her name, birth date, birthplace, parents, and so on)?

1- 1- FT Fri- w frames, Spring, summer 300 x 300

Why write down your experiences?

Your experiences as as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™ are of great worth.  Be sure to write them down.

Many of us have come through or are coming through some real rough patches along the way. The steps you take and courage you muster to do the almost-impossible has value for those who may follow in your footsteps as they traverse their own path in life.  Never underestimate the value of difficulty, adversity and personal trials.

Through writing down your life experiences and observations, it may become crystal clear to you and how an individual can become their best, most happy and capable selves.  You may learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and in contract, you can see what detracts from and destroys them.  This knowledge can help you develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of your family line.  It can become a major driver for living a purpose-filled life.  It can help bring direction to the course of life. You may be able to see thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns through writing things down that help you see what helps you stay strong and, on the other hand, you will be better positioned to identify what is destructive so you can take steps to help change it.

As you write your Life’s Journey experiences,

  • it will help you see and evaluate your own life more clearly.
  • It will provide INcouragement and awareness for your loved ones who come after you.
  • Family members, including your posterity, will be able to become acquainted with who you really are, not just with who you seem to be, because your thoughts and feelings will be accurate since they come straight from you
  • Some of your loved ones may be able to avoid some pitfalls because of the lessons you’ve learned and passed to them through your written words and through your experiences.
  • You are helping to light the path and lead the way for them to follow, as you gain and maintain physical, emotional and spiritual security for yourself in this topsy-turvy world.

Do not be afraid of your imperfections.  You are not your history.  You may be the catalyst for positive change your family line is waiting for.

The guiding purposes of Family Tree Quest lead us as we press forward into the unknown with courage and confidence as TODAY’s ChangeMakers..

The Three Guiding Purposes of Family Tree Quest are:

1) Be happy and live a purpose-filled life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

2)  Prepare Courageously and Confidently for the Future- come what may.

3)  Glean wisdom from the past rather than staying stuck in it

We have things to do and stable, secure, happy relationships to create.

Ready. Set. Grow!

If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com.
You will receive a link to print your own 2-generation Family Tree Chart, designed especially for TODAY’s ChangeMakers.

Resources for you:
Purchase JOURNALriffic.
Additional Family History resources, including Personal Historian Software.
Unique Gift Ideas and Products

1- 1- 1- FTG Quote, contribute positively

*****

Prompt Source: Steve Anderson https://familysearch.org/blog/en/52-questions-52-weeks/

******
Disclosure of Material Connection : I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”I am Carolyn Calton, the founder of Family Tree Quest and the CEO of the Liahona Light Institute, of which the Liahona Light Academy is its online arm.  I am the author of JOURNALriffic.  Lori Wiser is an affiliate of Amazon, and if you click Additional Family History Resources or Unique Gift Ideas and Products, you will access some of my affiliates.  If you make a purchase, I will receive a small commission.  You will not be charged any extra for your purchase through these links.  I thank you for using these links.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

The power of personal story is INcredible!

Story- understand. 300 x 300

The Power of personal STORY is INcredible!

This Family Memories Spotlight by Greg McMurdie is worth reading.

He says, “Wherever your ancestors come from, you’ve no doubt speculated on their journey
to this land – and the land left behind. …

Take time to read the genealogy breakthroughs in his spotlight
“then take time to preserve your family memories so future generations
can know the journeys, loves, and lives of ancestors.”

In the story McMurdie relates from the history of Carol Rice,
“Family folklore told of three German brothers who came to America.
One of them “jumped ship.” We knew of two of brothers, but we could
never find proof that the third brother who “jumped ship” actually existed.
But the story, passed down through generations, kept us looking.”

See what happens all “because of what hung upon a Virginia wall.”

What clues will help you solve your ancestry mysteries and
what family artifacts help you preserve family memories?

Click here to read Family Memories Spotlight: Genealogists Share Family History Documents.

Let’s stay connected!
Feel free to leave your comments under today’s post on my Family Tree Gal Facebook page.
When you like my page, be sure to get notifications or click the arrow to see first in your news feed.

 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

What’s Your Story?- Life’s Journey Prompt #3

1- 1- FT Fri- w frames, Spring, summer 300 x 300

This year on Family Tree Friday, I INcourage you to use one prompt a week to write or type your Life’s Journey as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

Here’s this week’s What’s Your Story- Life’s journey prompt:

What memories do you have of your father (his name, birth date, birthplace, parents, and so on)?

Why write down your experiences?

Your experiences as as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™ are of great worth. Be sure to write them down.

Many of us have come through or are coming through some real rough patches along the way. The steps you take and courage you muster to do the almost-impossible has value for those who may follow in your footsteps as they traverse their own path in life. Never underestimate the value of difficulty, adversity and personal trials.

Through writing down your life experiences and observations, it may become crystal clear to you and how an individual can become their best, most happy and capable selves. You may learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and in contract, you can see what detracts from and destroys them. This knowledge can help you develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of your family line. It can become a major driver for living a purpose-filled life. It can help bring direction to the course of life. You may be able to see thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns through writing things down that help you see what helps you stay strong and, on the other hand, you will be better positioned to identify what is destructive so you can take steps to help change it.
As you write your Life’s Journey experiences,

  • it will help you see and evaluate your own life more clearly.
  • It will provide INcouragement and awareness for your loved ones who come after you.
  • Family members, including your posterity, will be able to become acquainted with who you really are, not just with who you seem to be, because your thoughts and feelings will be accurate since they come straight from you
  • Some of your loved ones may be able to avoid some pitfalls because of the lessons you’ve learned and passed to them through your written words and through your experiences.
  • You are helping to light the path and lead the way for them to follow, as you gain and maintain physical, emotional and spiritual security for yourself in this topsy-turvy world.

Do not be afraid of your imperfections. You are not your history. You may be the catalyst for positive change your family line is waiting for.

The guiding purposes of Family Tree Quest lead us as we press forward into the unknown with courage and confidence as TODAY’s ChangeMakers..

The Three Guiding Purposes of Family Tree Quest are:

1) Be happy and live a purpose-filled life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

2) Prepare Courageously and Confidently for the Future- come what may.

3) Glean wisdom from the past rather than staying stuck in it.

We have things to do and stable, secure, happy relationships to create.

Ready. Set. Grow!

If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com. You will receive a link to print your own 2-generation Family Tree Chart, designed especially for TODAY’s ChangeMakers.

Resources for you:
Purchase JOURNALriffic.
Additional Family History resources, including Personal Historian Software.
Unique Gift Ideas and Products

1- 1- 1- FTG Quote, contribute positively

*****

Prompt Source: Steve Anderson https://familysearch.org/blog/en/52-questions-52-weeks/

******
Disclosure of Material Connection : I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”I am Carolyn Calton, the founder of Family Tree Quest and the CEO of the Liahona Light Institute, of which the Liahona Light Academy is its online arm. I am the author of JOURNALriffic. Lori Wiser is an affiliate of Amazon, and if you click Additional Family History Resources or Unique Gift Ideas and Products, you will access some of my affiliates. If you make a purchase, I will receive a small commission. You will not be charged any extra for your purchase through these links. I thank you for using these links

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

ReNEW YOU Think About It Thursday: COMPASSION

RY TmT INspirations 300 x 300 yellow bubbles...

YOU are the spark that ignites generations of power!

Great blessings can come out of any difficulty when wisdom is used for personal growth.

Wisdom is the third step in JOURNALriffic’s 4 Steps of Discovery.

A principle is a natural law.

There are laws that govern the physical world, like gravity,
and laws that govern happiness in human interactions, like love, respect, and honesty.

This month, we have been exploring the principle of COMPASSION.
in order to strengthen ourselves and thereby be a positive INfluence in our
family and family line.

To refer to Monday’s post, click here.

INspired Thought: “One part of living mindfully in the present in order to be happy and live a purpose-filled life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker includes identifying the possibility for growth in every situation. Each of us is equipped to be able to find answers within ourselves when we seek them. Often they come through having multiple experiences. This Think About It Thursday message and exercise serves as a reminder to write down what you learn in your journal or personal history records, so that the experiences you’ve paid a price to learn are not lost to your posterity [and others who will feel the ripple effect of your INfluence].” –Carolyn Calton, JOURNALriffic

E- 4 Winter. Think About It Thursday

Thursday JOURNALriffic Guided-journaling Prompt

Remember that life is happening for you, not to you. It’s the lessons we learn from adversity that help us grow and remember who we really are. With that perspective, ponder upon the principle you’ve chosen, and seek wisdom.

  • Think of an experience in your life in which this month’s principle or its absence played a role. Ask yourself, “Did I identify the opportunity for growth in this experience and use my conscience-guided wisdom to grow personally?”
  • As part of your personal history, write down the wisdom you gleaned and the insight you gain as additional understanding comes forth. Use your own words just the way they come to your mind.
  • Reflect upon the principle, notice your sincere desires to progress, and then set your intention to receive other ideas, insight and strength that will help you to continue to grow. Remain open-hearted and open-minded to receiving further enlightenment as it comes.

By INtegrating this month’s principle in your daily living,
you align your heart’s desire with your true/authentic nature and
turn your pain into purpose.
You can experience

  • Less stress
  • More confidence
  • Healthier relationships
  • Positive self-development
  • Clarity of your life’s purpose
  • Greater peace of mind

If you haven’t already, click here
to learn more about how you can join our FREE telecalls
and receive recorded messages each month

Resources:
Purchase JOURNALriffic.
Additional Family History resources, including Personal Historian Software.
Unique Gift Ideas and Products

*****
Disclaimer: Please remember that information contained here is provided as an informational resource only and is not a substitute for medical or professional care.

Disclosure of Material Connection : I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”I am Carolyn Calton, the founder of Family Tree Quest and the CEO of the Liahona Light Institute, of which the Liahona Light Academy is its online arm. I am the author of JOURNALriffic. Lori Wiser is an affiliate of Amazon, and if you click Additional Family History Resources or Unique Gift Ideas and Products, you will access some of my affiliates. If you make a purchase, I will receive a small commission. You will not be charged any extra for your purchase through these links. I thank you for using these links.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

What’s Your Story?- Life’s Journey Prompt #2

4- 2- FT Fri, brn Fall and Winter- 300 x 300

This year on Family Tree Friday, I INcourage you to use one prompt a week to write or type your Life’s Journey as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

Here’s this week’s What’s Your Story- Life’s journey prompt:

When and where were you born? Describe your home, your neighborhood, and the town you grew up in.

Why write down your experiences?

Your experiences as as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™ are of great worth. Be sure to write them down.

Many of us have come through or are coming through some real rough patches along the way. The steps you take and courage you muster to do the almost-impossible has value for those who may follow in your footsteps as they traverse their own path in life. Never underestimate the value of difficulty, adversity and personal trials.

Through writing down your life experiences and observations, it may become crystal clear to you and how an individual can become their best, most happy and capable selves. You may learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and in contract, you can see what detracts from and destroys them. This knowledge can help you develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of your family line. It can become a major driver for living a purpose-filled life. It can help bring direction to the course of life. You may be able to see thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns through writing things down that help you see what helps you stay strong and, on the other hand, you will be better positioned to identify what is destructive so you can take steps to help change it.

As you write your Life’s Journey experiences,

  • it will help you see and evaluate your own life more clearly.
  • It will provide INcouragement and awareness for your loved ones who come after you.
  • Family members, including your posterity, will be able to become acquainted with who you really are, not just with who you seem to be, because your thoughts and feelings will be accurate since they come straight from you
  • Some of your loved ones may be able to avoid some pitfalls because of the lessons you’ve learned and passed to them through your written words and through your experiences.
  • You are helping to light the path and lead the way for them to follow, as you gain and maintain physical, emotional and spiritual security for yourself in this topsy-turvy world.

Do not be afraid of your imperfections. You are not your history. You may be the catalyst for positive change your family line is waiting for.

The guiding purposes of Family Tree Quest lead us as we press forward into the unknown with courage and confidence as TODAY’s ChangeMakers..

The Three Guiding Purposes of Family Tree Quest are:

1) Be happy and live a purpose-filled life as TODAY’s ChangeMaker.

2) Prepare Courageously and Confidently for the Future- come what may.

3) Glean wisdom from the past rather than staying stuck in it.

We have things to do and stable, secure, happy relationships to create.

Ready. Set. Grow!

If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com. You will receive a link to print your own 2-generation Family Tree Chart, designed especially for TODAY’s ChangeMakers.

1- 1- 1- FTG Quote, contribute positively

Resources for you:
Purchase JOURNALriffic.
Additional Family History resources, including Personal Historian Software.
Unique Gift Ideas and Products
*****

Prompt Source: Steve Anderson https://familysearch.org/blog/en/52-questions-52-weeks/

******
Disclosure of Material Connection : I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”I am Carolyn Calton, the founder of Family Tree Quest and the CEO of the Liahona Light Institute, of which the Liahona Light Academy is its online arm. I am the author of JOURNALriffic. Lori Wiser is an affiliate of Amazon, and if you click Additional Family History Resources or Unique Gift Ideas and Products, you will access some of my affiliates. If you make a purchase, I will receive a small commission. You will not be charged any extra for your purchase through these links. I thank you for using these links.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.