Holiday time- What’s it like for you?
Holiday time can be an amazing and fun time…or not. Memories of “Christmas Past” can help us or haunt us—depending upon our life experiences, many of which have to do with our families of origin.
As we touched on in a previous post titled Family Trees- Inter-generational Patterns and You, our family systems have a huge effect on our belief systems—which influence how we spend the holidays and what we do in our traditional celebrations.
Traditions of the Fathers
The values and beliefs we pick up from those in our family line who went before us are often referred to as “the traditions of the fathers”. These traditions are family patterns. In other words, their values, thought patterns and habit patterns have had an influence on us. Because everyone is human, their influence usually includes both positives and negatives in different proportions for each individual.
As you may know, on the internet, I am known as Family Tree Gal. I love to say, “As we value our history, it becomes clear how we can become our best, most happy and capable selves. We learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and, in contrast, we can see what detracts from and destroys them. This knowledge helps us develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of our own family line.”
INfluence
Most families have within them combinations of good influences as well as areas that need lots of improvement. Some family patterns and traditions influence us for good such as traditions of families gathering together for happy holiday celebrations, or saying please and thank you and treating yourself and others with kindness and respect. We can develop patterns of patriotism, faith, prayer and qualities of character such as honesty, trustworthiness, responsibility, fairness, caring and civility.
Some family patterns get in our way
In contrast to happy Christmas celebrations, there are those children who may even be adults now, that get sick to their stomach knowing a family celebration is coming, because, let’s say for example, Dad gets drunk and, although things are okay for awhile, he ends up abusing [either verbally or physically] mom and/or the children.
Children begin to take on personal beliefs that are out of alignment with their true identity as a child of God with a divine nature and purpose for living and contributing to their family and humanity. Their inner worth is affected in serious ways. Using the example above, they may begin to believe, for instance, that
- they don’t matter or
- they are not important or
- what they see as “love” draws them to conclude that “love” hurts
- or that men can’t be trusted,
Some patterns of thinking and being that result from these influences become habits and may be so familiar to us that they are not even called into question. Any consistent action that leads to prejudice, jealousy, hatred, lack of forgiveness, greed and other negative energies would fall into this category. Frequent harsh words and criticisms, contentions, bickering and sarcasm can become what we view as normal in family relationships if that’s what we’re constantly exposed to in the environment at home.
YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!
As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.
Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families. We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.
Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships. This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class. That class was created especially for highly frustrated or deeply discouraged men and women who have experienced the disruptive ripple effects of divorce (as an adult or child), mistreatment, addiction or abuse that has touched their lives, their family or is found anywhere in their family lines. Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.
CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.
About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton
Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.
