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Family Traditions: Out With the Bad, In With the Good

Our family traditions help create our family patterns

I contributed a chapter called THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY TRADITIONS to Jennifer Jones Smith’s book 12 Weeks to Greater Peace, Joy & Love in Your Family. I will be using some of those thoughts, along with some adaptations, here.

I wrote, “Traditions are a way of passing family values through the generations.  Because what happens at home extends into society and then into the world, it’s important that we examine patterns in our daily interactions with family members and carefully consider creating healthy traditions at home.  The words, thoughts and opinions of our family members, during daily living as well as during traditional holiday celebrations and events, have a great impact of our own feelings about who we are and what we have to contribute to our family and the world.  If our family patterns are uplifting and edifying, we tend to feel strengthened and view the family as important, loving, and a place we want to be.  If our repetitive patterns of interacting with each other are full of put-downs, sarcasm and prejudices, we have little or no desire to try to connect in meaningful ways again and, almost unknowingly because of repetitive exposure to distress and chaos we can begin to pass on unhealthy behavioral patterns to new generations because of the modeling that stems from our own family of origin.

OUT WITH THE BAD.  IN WITH THE GOOD.

… we can be very resistant to change.  However, it is well-worth examining our own [ways of interacting with family members and take a look at the ingrained patterns we’re establishing.  Let’s notice the way we relate to others and the way others relate to us.  When doing this with a sincere desire to improve, we can take an objective, rather than critical, view of ourselves and our relatives.  When we come to understand the truth of what is really happening, we position ourselves to make choices that foster our well-being and the highest good for all concerned.

Our feelings about ourselves shape our lives.  Many, if not most, people never question or take more than a superficial look at how they act and what they really do because it’s so familiar. By establishing healthy daily interactions, then when it comes to celebrating family seasonal traditions, individuals have something to look forward to and are left with feelings that each family member is important, cared about and valued by the others.  Thus, we establish healthy family bonds of love, mutual admiration and respect.  We also come to feel positive self-worth, and we notice an increase in our sense of family responsibility.

In homes spilling over with daily dysfunction, however, there are far too many family members who know, from past experience, that the upcoming seasonal traditions connected to a holiday celebration are nothing to “celebrate”.  In fact, the very thought of them triggers feelings of dread by many children due to former family patterns of adult neglect or abuse from which they feel there is no escape.  When destructive influences are present, homes become rampant with disrespect, criticism and shame. Children from such homes often feel bewildered, disillusioned or even hopeless and helpless.  In an all-too-common example where dad gets drunk and ends up verbally or physically abusing mom and/or the children.  It’s time to let go and eliminate these false “traditions of the fathers” and establish new traditions because “that which is familiar is not always that which is best”.

YOU CAN

Unless conscious choices are made to create change, history will tend to repeat itself in our family lines.  EACH INDIVIDUAL can be the change catalyst their family line has been waiting for.  Some, more than others, have heavier burdens to carry because of their families of origin, yet everyone has the capacity to create positive change from their own generation forward.  By living mindfully in our present moments, we can ALL overcome obstacles and be a positive influence.  We can continue making choices and establishing traditions that are uplifting, fun and encouraging to our family members, and we can eliminate those that are not.

I spoke of 2 types of traditions. 1) daily routines, and 2) holiday traditions.:

  1. Daily Routines

    Some of us fail to see our daily routines as being part of what can be considered “traditions of the fathers”, but if seen for the benefits they hold, these traditional routines can be a major source of stability, structure and add to feelings of safety and security within a home.

    Since my children were very young, I encouraged many traditional routine interactions. We say please and thank you, send holiday greeting cards and thank you notes when gifts are given, mail birth announcements when babies are born, knock on a family member’s door and wait for an answer before entering their room, and use courteous speech and respectful interactions with others.  We say our personal and family prayers, attend church weekly, say a blessing on the food to name a few. We worked on consistency, rather than perfection.  Each family member also had daily work-in-the-house or yard responsibilities. Now they are raised, some of my children have maintained these routines, and some have not.
  2. Seasonal Holiday Traditions

    Our holiday traditions were among our favorite times– beginning with decorations around the house and on the front door to match the season. When some of my children had moved away, it became a time of gathering the family back together.  We were by no means a perfect family, but to give you an idea of some of the more positive things that were part of our celebrations, I offer these thoughts.Music played almost constantly in our home.  I prepared traditional foods which create memorable smells and reminders of the familiar feeling of “home for the holidays”.  I tried to prepare by buying supplies a few weeks early and scheduling time on the calendar to pull out the plastic tubs of decorations from storage so all those involved in helping will not be surprised with last minute interruptions to their own plans. I hope that these elements of birthdays and other holiday celebrations, added to happy memories for my children.

Here are a few tips for establishing healthy, happy family patterns and traditions: (Some of which I learned the hard way)

DAILY:

  • Decide to integrate some specific, healthy, stabilizing daily routines.
  • Encourage healthy self-worth in each family member, including yourself, by avoiding negative comments and negative self-talk and criticism.
  • Don’t rush. Take time to validate the thoughts and feelings of children as well as adults.
  • Let go of any unrealistic expectations you may have of yourself or others.
  • “If you can’t turn the corners up, let the middle sag.”- Unknown
  • Have Courage. Use loving Diligence. Create Excellence.

SEASONAL TRADITIONS:

  • Remember that no family is perfect, so imperfection is part of every attempt while creating something new.
  • Be patient while you and your family try to achieve more harmony and happiness together.
  • Look for the good.
  • Capture memories with pictures, video and write about it in journals or scrapbooks.
  • Have fun! Laugh a lot. Create joyful memories.
  • Evaluate what went well and what didn’t. Integrate the success into your next event.  Build on that.

If this hasn’t been your pattern, TURN it around and take the first step in creating something new.

Worth Every Effort

With each new day comes new opportunities to create positive change.  Although we cannot control the actions of others, we do have influence in their lives.  I have found that it is worth every effort to consciously decide to create positive family patterns, traditions and wonderful memories by using the power of one’s own positive influence.  We thereby do our part to create positive change–which best serves our family today and also greatly benefits future generations.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out my class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Dead-end traditions. ReNEW YOU Healing Heartache green header with picture of a family tree

Dead-end Traditions? A Tip to Use While Replacing Them

Dead-end traditions

Freedom from detrimental, dead-end traditions that stem from destructive generational patterns and beliefs makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress.  The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.

As mentioned in a previous post titled, Traditions That Help, Rather Than Hurt, Families, we want to find ways to preserve our past without compromising our present.  Sometimes that takes a change at the level of tradition, and breaking destructive traditions can seem like you are no longer loyal to the family—which can be extremely painful.  Sometimes breaking those patterns can feel like we’re abandoning the family rather than improving the family for the sake of the living as well as those yet to come into your family line. This too, must be seen in the light of truth, or the fear of abandonment can shut you down.

Some traditions that tear down rather than build up individuals and families are:

  • Any tradition in which control or dominion is exerted one against another individual or group
  • Traditions that breed addiction
  • Anything based on the power of force
  • Looking down on others due one’s so-called station in life, their ethnicity or feelings of superiority
  • Anything that breeds conflict one person or one group against another
  • Traditions that lead to prejudice, jealousy, hatred, lack of forgiveness, greed, and so forth
  • Traditions that foster harsh words and criticisms, contentions, bickering and sarcasm

In our busy world, some of our positive traditions are part of activities where we can spend meaningful, healthy, uplifting time with our family members.

Tip for keeping your mental focus while developing new traditions

Tip: Remember, you can love your family members AND be true to who you really are and to what you feel called to do. Think about the words Or / And.

What happens when it comes to ourselves and breaking destructive family traditions that may seem like family loyalty is that we often think in terms of “OR” rather than thinking about using the word “AND”.

Example of OR thinking:
Using the example of a family in which the addiction of alcoholism is present, an example of this would be thinking “I can either drink with my family OR be shunned and disconnected if I don’t.

Example of AND thinking:
An example of AND thinking would be considering, “I can spend time with my family AND I can choose to not drink myself.”

“OR” thinking is usually fear-based, and keeps you stuck in negative traditions.  It keeps destructive, non-productive patterns going strong.

“AND” thinking allows a person to break free and rise above destructive traditions and begin to thrive.  This begins to set positive patterns for the present and future generations to follow.  It gives family lines a chance that they may not have had without your courage and diligent effort which grows into your substantial, positive influence.  Just think of it!  YOURs may be the spark that ignites generations of power, and your courage and influence can make a profound difference in ways you do not see.

INspired Action Step

If this concept resonates with you and could positively impact your life, try this exercise:

1) Consider a painful, present-moment experience in which you feel stuck in a relationship or family tradition.
2) Write 5 sentences using the word OR in the middle, such as  _________ OR _________.  Example, “I can either drink with my family OR be shunned and disconnected if I don’t.”
3) Then, write 5 sentences using the word AND in the middle. Example, “I can spend time with my family AND I can choose to not drink myself.”

Remember, you can only choose how you show up and cannot control how another person responds or reacts to your choice.  Being centered and anchored in your own purpose and INtention, as reflected in your AND statements, will strengthen you as you carry on, come what may.

Be sure to watch for the Healing Your Family blog post titled, Family Traditions. Out With the Bad. In With the Good.  

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out my class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Dead-end traditions. ReNEW YOU Healing Heartache green header with picture of a family tree

Family Patterns: Where’s the HAPPY in Holidays?

Family Patterns

Are negative family patterns getting In the way of your “Happy” in Holidays and your “Merry” in Christmas?

As we each contemplate holiday celebrations, we may not be fully aware of family patterns (deep-seated beliefs) that might be sabotaging our thinking and getting in the way of our happiness.  This causes us to shrink away from our best expression of who we really are.

Are you shrinking away from your sense of self-worth?

There are some distinct family patterns that tend to cause us to shrink away from who we really are and have a destructive influence on our inner worth.

Freedom from destructive, dead-end generational patterns and beliefs makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress.  The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.

These deep-seated beliefs usually interfere with 3 distinct areas of our life, and often, we don’t see the connection.  The 3 areas are relationships, money, and our bodies.
They may come from spoken or unspoken teachings.

Using the area of RELATIONSHIPS, I’ve chosen to mention some destructive thinking patterns that may stem from our perceptions that can originate from our family patterns.

Underlying Family Patterns/Beliefs about Relationships

Take note of any the YOU may be believing:

Men hurt women or women hurt men
We need to be snappy or angry to be heard.
People can’t be trusted.
I’ll always be taken advantage of.
Husbands hurt wives (or visa versa), therefore, my husband (or wife) will hurt me.
Men don’t show up for women. (or vise versa)
I’m strong only if I do everything myself.
I have to be passive and dependent on a man to keep him
I feel alone, but it’s okay for my husband to be emotionally unavailable.
Nothing I do to work on my relationship will matter.
The best way to handle a relationship is to not trust, not speak up for myself and don’t acknowledge my feelings.

Here are some common beliefs about money

Having lots of money makes me successful.
Having lots of money makes me sinful.
God will punish me if I have too much money.
I’ll be greedy if I have too much money, so I would rather not have a lot.
There’s “not enough” (money)
Rich people are bad.
Poor people are bad.
I don’t deserve to have what I want.
If I don’t have a college education and great career, I have no value.
body (health, view of self, etc.)
I must look beautiful ( or be thin or exercise more than other people) or I’m not “good enough”
I need to look young to have value.
People who are sick are weak.
People who are sick get attention.
Thin people are bad.
Heavy people are bad
Pretty girls get in trouble.
Beautiful people aren’t smart.

Did you notice any of those patterns that you may be continuing to pass on? Are they interfering with your happiness as you contemplate upcoming celebrations with family or friends.  Are any of these beliefs about yourself dragging you down emotionally?  Are you setting yourself up for history to repeat itself?

Unless conscious choices are made to create a different reality, history will tend to repeat itself in our family lines.  We ALL can be positive in our influence, but it takes work.  EACH INDIVIDUAL can be the change catalyst their family line has been waiting for.  Some, more than others, have heavier burdens to carry because of their families of origin.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

green header Family Tree Friday Healing Heartache in Family Lines with URLs

Holiday Time and Traditions of the Fathers

Holiday time- What’s it like for you?

Holiday time can be an amazing and fun time…or not.  Memories of “Christmas Past” can help us or haunt us—depending upon our life experiences, many of which have to do with our families of origin.

As we touched on in a previous post titled Family Trees- Inter-generational Patterns and You, our family systems have a huge effect on our belief systems—which influence how we spend the holidays and what we do in our traditional celebrations.

Traditions of the Fathers

The values and beliefs we pick up from those in our family line who went before us are often referred to as “the traditions of the fathers”.  These traditions are family patterns.  In other words, their values, thought patterns and habit patterns have had an influence on us.  Because everyone is human, their influence usually includes both positives and negatives in different proportions for each individual.

As you may know, on the internet, I am known as Family Tree Gal.  I love to say, “As we value our history, it becomes clear how we can become our best, most happy and capable selves.  We learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and, in contrast, we can see what detracts from and destroys them.  This knowledge helps us develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of our own family line.”

family tree gal quote yellow-orange graphic by Carolyn Calton

INfluence

Most families have within them combinations of good influences as well as areas that need lots of improvement.  Some family patterns and traditions influence us for good such as traditions of families gathering together for happy holiday celebrations, or saying please and thank you and treating yourself and others with kindness and respect.  We can develop patterns of patriotism, faith, prayer and qualities of character such as honesty, trustworthiness, responsibility, fairness, caring and civility.

 Some family patterns get in our way

In contrast to happy Christmas celebrations, there are those children who may even be adults now, that get sick to their stomach knowing a family celebration is coming, because, let’s say for example,  Dad gets drunk and, although things are okay for awhile, he ends up abusing [either verbally or physically] mom and/or the children.

Children begin to take on personal beliefs that are out of alignment with their true identity as a child of God with a divine nature and purpose for living and contributing to their family and humanity.  Their inner worth is affected in serious ways. Using the example above, they may begin to believe, for instance, that

  • they don’t matter or
  • they are not important or
  • what they see as “love” draws them to conclude that “love” hurts
  • or that men can’t be trusted,

Some patterns of thinking and being that result from these influences become habits and may be so familiar to us that they are not even called into question.  Any consistent action that leads to prejudice, jealousy, hatred, lack of forgiveness, greed and other negative energies would fall into this category.  Frequent harsh words and criticisms, contentions, bickering and sarcasm can become what we view as normal in family relationships if that’s what we’re constantly exposed to in the environment at home.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  That class was created especially for highly frustrated or deeply discouraged men and women who have experienced the disruptive ripple effects of divorce (as an adult or child), mistreatment, addiction or abuse that has touched their lives, their family or is found anywhere in their family lines.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Family Traditions. ReNEW YOU Red Healing Heartache In Family Lines Header with URLs

SELF-WORTH- You Matter, No Matter What

Self-worth.  You Matter.  No Matter What!

No matter our heritage, one way or another, we all seem to learn who we’re NOT before we remember who we really are. There are hundreds of thousands of experiences and daunting challenges that chip away consistently at our perception of our self worth and sense of personal value.

It is my belief that every child, every person that comes into the world has the potential to make a difference!  Every child, every person matters.  And the worth of every child, every person is of infinite worth to the Creator of the unique and self-governing spirit within each one of us—the spirit that gives us life.

So, though it’s important to remember that each of us can make a difference, whether large or small, and feel great satisfaction and joy through sincerely and empathetically using the power of our positive influence, It is vital that we each remember that our worth is not determined by what we’ve done.  We have worth because of who we ARE to our Creator.  We have worth just because we exist.

Brown Mountains with quote on top by Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Spiritual Vitality Tip: Create a bountiful harvest of goodness.

Dieter Uchtdorf has said, “Perhaps you don’t consider yourself all that useful; perhaps you don’t consider yourself a blessing in somebody’s life.  Often, when we look at ourselves, we see only our limitations and deficiencies.  We might think we have to be “more” of something for God to use us—more intelligent, more wealthy, more charismatic, more talented, more spiritual.  Blessings will come not so much because of your abilities but because of your choices. And the God of the universe will work within and through you, magnifying your humble efforts for his purposes.  How encouraging it is to know, though we are imperfect, if our hearts are turned to God, He will be generous and kind and use us for His purposes.  No matter your position in your community…, God will use you, if you are wiling.  He will magnify your righteous desires and turn the compassionate actions you sow into a bountiful harvest of goodness.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out my class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings. linked to

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Dead-end traditions. ReNEW YOU Healing Heartache green header with picture of a family tree

Family Trees: Inter-generational Patterns and You

Personal and Family freedom:  Heal yourself to heal your Family

Freedom from destructive, dead-end generational patterns and beliefs makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress.  The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.

Especially at holiday time where traditions take center stage:

Do know that family patterns and belief systems are at work influencing your life today?

How is that so?

Why does it matter?

Parents influence our habits, skills, values, language, mannerisms, the way we treat others and more. Our ancestors have passed down their own perceptions about life, love and happiness (among a myriad of other things) to their children for many generations.  Whether we know it or not, we are influenced by their ways of thinking, behaving and believing.

How Your Inter-generational Family Influences Your Life Today

It’s important to recognize that we all have perceptions in our present day that have largely been influenced by our inter-generational family. These include perceptions about people, relationships, education, service, religion, devotions to family, devotion to country, and so forth. These perceptions are like seeds that grow into our family patterns and belief systems.

In her book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, Karol Truman said, “The perceptions that created our beliefs, and the degree to which they were validated, soon determined the PATTERN, or the road map, which we have followed throughout our life.”

Why It Matters

Your own perceptions of life, love and happiness then influence every daily choice you make.  Like smooth stones cast into a perfectly still lake, your choices, both positive and negative, influence many generations after you through their ripple effect. What happens in your home then extends to society and impacts society and the world, therefore, it is imperative that you pay attention to what happens in your home.

I once penned this little verse:
Secure the home, secure society.
Stabilize the home, stabilize society.
Don’t let chaos reign supreme.
~Carolyn Calton

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This blog post excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart.

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Create a Bountiful Harvest of Goodness in Your Family

My Yearly Harvest-time Tip:
Create a bountiful harvest of goodness.  Yes, you!

Dieter F, Uchtdorf has said, “Perhaps you don’t consider yourself all that useful; perhaps you don’t consider yourself a blessing in somebody’s life.  Often, when we look at ourselves, we see only our limitations and deficiencies.  We might think we have to be “more” of something for God to use us—more intelligent, more wealthy, more charismatic, more talented, more spiritual.  Blessings will come not so much because of your abilities but because of your choices. And the God of the universe will work within and through you, magnifying your humble efforts for his purposes.  How encouraging it is to know, though we are imperfect, if our hearts are turned to God, He will be generous and kind and use us for His purposes.  No matter your position in your community…, God will use you, if you are wiling.  He will magnify your righteous desires and turn the compassionate actions you sow into a bountiful harvest of goodness.

If you need help getting a grip by discovering or revitalizing your inner sense of self-worth, check out this class training:  Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E.
1) The COMPLETE class is designed for deeply discouraged or highly frustrated men and women who have experienced the disruptive ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction and/or abuse in themselves (as a child or adult), or in their family or family lines.
2) The MINI CLASS zeros in on the basics of elevating thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns.
Check out all my class offerings by CLICKING HERE.

 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Spiritual Vitality During Times of Distress

“There are depths in the sea which the storms that lash the surface into fury never reach. They who reach down into the depths of life where, in the stillness, the voice of God is heard, have the stabilizing power which carries them poised and serene through the hurricane of difficulties.” ~Spencer W. Kimball

In order to maintain your spiritual vitality and stability while creating positive generational change, prayer and scripture study are vital elements
in coming to understand God and how to access His power to help you through adversity,

Then, you feel of His love, and your faith grows.
And exercising FAITH in God IS the power that changes everything!

Join our TODAY’s ChangeMaker Movement by Joining the Quest at www.FamilyTreeQuest.com

 

 

 

 

Reference:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1973/10/the-rewards-the-blessings-the-promises?lang=eng 

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on white tile-like background

3 Significant Reasons Writing in a Journal Elevates Emotional Health

More than documenting events, like a diary, I’ve used my journals to record and work through my feelings. I’ve discovered 3 significant benefits of journaling that can help anyone who is serious about learning from the past, and not staying stuck in it. (Which is one of the 3 Guiding Purposes of men and women who are on a Family Tree Quest to help, and not hurt, themselves or others while creating positive growth.)  In order to create that growth, journaling can be an enormous tool to help one move forward–in spite of obstacles.

3 reasons journaling can help you elevate your emotional health are these:

Journaling your thoughts can help you:
1) Regain perspective and a feeling of emotional grounding quickly
2) Clarify what you’re feeling and why
3) Move through (process) the emotions that could easily distract or side-swipe you and keep you stuck so you can respond proactively, rather than reactively,

Journaling, the JOURNALriffic way, Is a powerful tool to help you find productive solutions within yourself and in your most meaningful relationships in the shortest amount of time, so a plan of action then becomes clear that helps you move forward with whatever decision you make or conclusion you reach.

When you see your own thoughts in writing, you can begin to see patterns in yourself and in relationships, so you can more easily make self-corrections, or have the needed conversations with others to improve relationships, etc.

As the author of JOURNALriffic–Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery, I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials.  I am well-acquainted with blighted hopes, shattered dreams and unfulfilled desires both individually and with my family’s circumstances, yet I’ve learned to be positive and happy by choice.  I’ve also dealt with lingering physical challenges and constant pain as a result of three car accidents.  Although I’ve faced times of extreme disappointment and much of my life hasn’t turned out like I planned, I continue to find solutions to challenges, and I still love my life because I stay engaged in the process of creating a happy one.

With JOURNALriffic, you too, can address thoughts as they come up as a result of your present experiences.  This way, you do not pull your past into your present moments and project it into the future.  The idea is to work through your emotions and challenges and consistently work toward turning your weaknesses into strengths so you can enjoy your life.  You will come to understand who you really are in light of the truth that no matter your past choices or experiences, you are not your history.  You will begin to clearly see that you create your life in your present moments.  Each day is a new beginning and holds countless opportunities for enjoyment, peace and the satisfying rewards of unselfish love.

If you are looking for a tool to help you create positive generational change so that trauma and distress are not passed forward, you’ve found it!

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.
CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on dark blue background

Navigating Your Emotions Using JOURNALriffic

JOURNALriffic is a powerful tool to help you leave your life story better than you found it–especially if you have experienced childhood or adult relationship trauma or distress–including divorce, your own or in your family line.

Have you tried the JOURNALriffic Method to navigate your emotions in a proactive, rather than reactive, manner, and conserve your emotional energy as you settle issues quickly in your mind?

Integrating the JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, into your daily routine will help you become grounded in new habits that bring positive results.  You can generate increased desires to live in more complete alignment with your intrinsic, inner worth—even if you’ve made poor or destructive choices in the past.  The steps can help you develop qualities that will allow you to strengthen and improve your relationships with others.  They will help you discover and reframe any negative thought, habit and belief patterns that do not serve your best and highest good.  If you have had severe challenges, you will be actively engaging your power of personal choice to help and not hurt yourself and others.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Use JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery to help you turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction, to hope, direction, happiness and peace.  Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon. I am also the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.