Category Archives: Family History

Fighting silhouette of couple fighting and sad teens and child on brown background about disrupted families

Disrupted Families: Divorce, Mistreatment, Abuse

Have your life been touched by the disruptive ripple effects of divorce as a child or adult, or mistreatment, or tremendous loss, addiction or abuse? If not, this information may be useful to a friend or family member that you care about.

Don’t forget the inter-generational influence that your ancestors have had on your parents and on you.  Sometimes learning about family disruption or trauma in generations before you will help you make sense of why things are as they’ve been in your family line.  Learning this information can help build bridges of understanding between the generations.

pink flowering tree on green spot of grass with description about how the mind is a garden

YOU hold within yourself the seeds of change. 
Re-framing your perception can change everything!

Are you forgetting that your ancestor’s stories may hold some answers for you?

Don’t forget the inter-generational influence that your ancestors have had on your parents and on you.  Sometimes learning about family disruption or trauma in generations before you will help you make sense of why things are as they’ve been in your family line.  Learning this information can help build bridges of understanding between the generations.

Start by asking questions of your living relatives. There are also free sites on the Internet where you can begin your search for information about your ancestors that may include access to stories of their lives or links to living relatives that may hold answers to some missing puzzle pieces in your own family history. One such site is Family Search. They encourage you to “find and discover yourself”. Learn where you came from, and get to know who you are.

Understanding their life stories and parts of their own history of facing adversity holds the possibility of creating a new perspective for you.  It can lead to the freedom of forgiveness, release of the past or to shifts in your point of view that can help create healing as you move forward toward living a happier, more peaceful life.

Bearing grudges, holding resentment and other negative feelings in your heart, including hatred, leads to unforgiveness, and unforgiveness is like giving someone else free rent in your head and heart.  You replay this history over and over again.

You don’t need to be close to them or trust them, but letting go of not forgiving them will free your soul to thrive. Not forgiviing only traps you in never-ending cycles of self-inflicted pain.


YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker In Your Disrupted Family!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live according to the principles that govern happiness in yourself and in your relationships.  This excerpt has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 

CLICK HERE to see all free presentations and class offerings.

family trees, genealogy, forgiveness, patterns, dysfunction, generational change, generational healing, family, perceptions, beliefs

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Black background, young child with tear from eye, young woman and young man sad beyond belief

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 3 

Co-dependency can leave men and women feeling like the walking wounded. John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming, says, Codependency is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires.” It is fostered in unhealthy family systems.  It can go for generations without being understood or noticed. It fosters the loss of self-identity. It is my belief that we can change this destructive tendency in our day and age.

As a refresher, I hope you’ve had a chance to read The Walking Wounded:  Co—dependence, Parts 1 and Part 2Now, let’s look at another sign of unhealthy co-dependence.


ENABLING

Enabling is another sign of an unhealthy co-dependence. Mary-Catherine Segota, a clinical psychologist at Counseling Resource Services in Winter Garden, Florida, describes enabling as a behavior that’s used to ease relationship tension caused by one partner’s problematic habits. Enabling behavior, which is rarely seen in healthy relationships, includes:

  • bailing your partner out
  • repeatedly giving him or her another chance
  • ignoring the problem
  • accepting excuses
  • always being the one trying to fix the problem
  • constantly coming to the rescue

Codependent personalities usually follow a pattern of behaviors that are consistent, problematic, and directly interfere with the individual’s emotional health and ability to find fulfillment in a relationship.”


Need Help Knowing What TO Do Instead of Following Co-dependent Patterns? 

For your understanding, make sure to read The Walking Wounded:  Co—dependence, Parts 1 and Part 2.

Access our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online class trainings to view at your own pace. There is a mini-class that helps you elevate your thought, patterns, habit patterns and family patterns (just the basics), and a complete class that takes a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. If you’re looking for small group support as well as online coaching, so you can put an end to the isolation of feeling alone, JOIN US for our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles. We’re waiting for YOU!

CLICK HERE to view ALL the free presentations and other current support we have for you.


YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond
co-dependence.  This excerpt in this blog post has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 

CLICK HERE to see ALL free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Black background, young child with tear from eye, young woman and young man sad beyond belief

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 2

Healing Heartache in Family Lines

Co-dependency can leave men and women feeling like the walking wounded because
in co-dependent relationships people, including couples, who struggle with codependency often try to control each other. Control is a form of force, therefore, it does not suit our natural, intuitive desires to bond and connect safely and securely with other individuals. Safe, secure bonding promotes the happiness and well-being of both of the people in the relationship. The force and control found within co-dependent relationships do not achieve that kind of safety and security.  It is a false bond that can seem like true connection.

In order to heal heartache in family lines, we must first understand the cause. There can be many causes, yet in this series of three blog posts, we are continuing our discussion of one of those causes, namely, co-dependence.

John Bradshaw in his book Homecoming points out “To be co-dependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires,” andCo-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems.”

Co-dependence fosters the loss of self-identity.

As you explore co-dependency, you will notice that freedom from destructive, dead-end generational patterns and beliefs, like co-dependence, makes room for healthy, productive, life-changing progress.  The way is not always easy, but it IS possible.  

Helpful Terms


Co-dependence should be distinguished as different from the inter-dependence found in healthy relationships.


It is helpful to understand the following terms and the meaning of each.

  • Dependent
  • Independent
  • Inter-dependent
  • Co-dependent

We are dependent as babies and in various degrees as we grow—In other words, we need others to be able to get what we want and need.  As we work toward becoming independent, we strive for self-mastery and maturity, or in other words, we seek to become fully responsible for our choices and accountable for their results.
Inter-dependence is combining our efforts with the efforts of others to achieve the highest good of all. When we are inter-dependent, we work together assertively—respecting our own feelings WHILE respecting the feelings of others. (This is Not passive and not aggressive)

Independence and Inter-dependence Are Not Selfish

Self-care is a crucial part of renewing our own energy to bring the best we have to offer to the table of cooperative, synergistic effort.  It’s important to note that we can take time to edify, nourish and take care of our own mind, body and spirit without it jeopardizing our ability to help and serve others.  Selfishness is about the attitude and focus we have in serving ourselves in relation to others. Entirely self-focused effort while interacting with others is selfish.

More about co-dependence

Beth Gilbert, in an article for Everyday Health says, “If your mood, happiness, and identity is defined by another person, then you could be in a codependent relationship.The word “codependency” gets thrown around a lot: There are codependent couples, codependent companions, and codependent caretakers. But what does codependent actually mean — and is it really all that bad?

“Codependency is typically discussed in the context of substance use, where one person is abusing the substance, and he or she depends on the other person to supply money, food, or shelter. But codependency is much broader than that,” says Jonathan Becker, DO, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.

 “Codependency can be defined as any relationship in which two people become so invested in each other that they can’t function independently anymore,” Dr. Becker says. “Your mood, happiness, and identity are defined by the other person. In a codependent relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive and can’t make decisions for themselves, and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.”

Codependency becomes problematic when one person is taking advantage of the other financially or emotionally,” Becker says.

Need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns?

Watch for our Healing Your Family The Walking Wounded:  Co—dependence, Parts 1 and Part 3 (upcoming).

Access our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online class trainings to view at your own pace. There is a mini-class that helps you elevate your thought, patterns, habit patterns and family patterns (just the basics), and a complete class that takes a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. If you’re looking for small group support as well as online coaching, so you can put an end to the isolation of feeling alone, JOIN US for our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles. We’re waiting for YOU!

CLICK HERE to view ALL the free presentations and other current support we can offer you.

YOU are TODAY’s ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond co-dependence.  An excerpt in this blog post has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. COMPLETE Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 


About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

emotional vitality tip of the day on white tile-like background

3 Journaling Tips for Emotional Renewal

As you pursue emotional renewal, if you are seeking:

  • Less stress
  • Healthier relationships
  • Confidence
  • Positive self-development
  • Clarity of your life’s purpose
  • Greater peace of mind

then JOURNALing your thoughts, may become a strong consideration for you—but not just any journaling.  You’ll want to discover a method of organizing your thoughts that is convenient enough and comprehensive enough to help you elevate your thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns. You’ll want to make sure it’s a way that helps you create lasting change for the better and actually makes it worth your time and effort to write your thoughts on paper or on the computer.

JOURNALriffic-Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery, is a method of guided-journaling that can help you create lasting change and an overall happier life. The JOURNALriffic Method, called the 4 Steps of Discovery, assists you as you so you can navigate your emotions in a proactive, rather than reactive, manner.  Thus, you can help, not hurt, yourself and others as you fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. I developed the JOURNALriffic Method from a pattern that has worked for me through many years of some of my life’s most difficult trials.

Here are 3 simple tips to help you establish essential habits as you use your journal to assist you in establishing consistent mental and emotional renewal time.

Tip #1- Choose WHEN you’ll write.

Of course, you can always be spontaneous, but for best results, you will want to fit journaling into your routine.  After obtaining a journal that suits your purposes, choose a time of day to write in your journal that can become a consistent part of what you do.  I like to look at it as mental and emotional renewal. I prefer jotting down my thoughts in the morning before getting ready for the day.  Many people put on some calming music and enjoy writing in the evenings before going to sleep.  Others record their journal entries during a lunch break.  Use your intuition to find what time best for you.  Full, long-term benefits are best attained when this life-enhancing habit is set in place.

Tip #2- Choose WHERE you will write.

Ask yourself where you can find a quiet place to mindfully explore your thoughts.  Minimizing distractions helps you to keep your mind clear.

By taking the JOURNALriffic Challenge to write a record of daily events and the personal growth resulting from those experiences., you can steadily and consistently boost the power of your own positive influence.  Some welcomed outcomes include renewed hope, increased insight, fine-tuned perspective, improved meaningful relationships, and laser-focused access to the possibility of additional personal peace—just to name a few.  Writing daily will help you consciously recognize your thought patterns, habit patterns, and perhaps family patterns that are either helpful or hurtful, giving you clarity on what you want to change or what you want to keep implementing in your life and in your personal progress.

Ask yourself, “Is it worth using a few minutes today to be able to enjoy the benefits that JOURNALriffic writing can bring?”

Tip #3 – Choose WHY you are writing.

In any endeavor in life, knowing your WHY is one of the most important things you can know.  Having a clear vision of your purpose in writing in your journal is vital to being able to maintain the motivation and focus needed while establishing this life-changing habit. Otherwise, writing in a journal can become just another item to check off your already too long TO DO list, and who need that?

JOURNALriffic- Turn Your Pain Into Purpose With 4 Steps of Discovery was written in an effort to help men and women who’ve experienced distress or trauma as a child or adult- including the disruptive ripple effects of divorce, mistreatment, addiction or abuse in themselves, their family or family lines.

If you are a deeply discouraged or highly frustrated man or woman who would like to steadily, consistently and easily change your life for the better and leave your life story better than you found it, I would like to recommend using the JOURNALriffic method of guided journaling.  It begins with the commitment and clarification of your quest—which is the WHY of writing the JOURNALriffic way.

The JOURNALriffic Commitment is, “I am ready to grow in spite of insecurities, frustration and fear, with an intention to strengthen myself in this generation.  Courageously and consistently, I pursue my Quest.”

The QUEST refers to your desires to help, and not hurt, yourself and others.  The Quest is also known as your Family Tree Quest because you realize your choices today can positively influence future generations.

This commitment includes the letters that form the “riffic” portion of JOURNALriffic.  I will write in my journal daily because I am

R-eady to grow
I-n spite of insecurities,
F-rustration and
F-ear, with an
I-ntention to strengthen myself in THIS generation.
C-ourageously and consistently, I pursue my QUEST.

ReNEW YOU Emotional Vitality Tip of the Day

Take action on your self-doubts, insecurities, frustrations and fears.  Use JOURNALriffic to create increased happiness.. Get your copy today!

ReNEW YOU free presentations, class trainings and coaching are available to you, too.

CLICK HERE to see the full range of support that has been prepared with YOU in mind!

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection:  In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the author of JOURNALriffic, and I’m an affiliate of Amazon.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Black background, young child with tear from eye, young woman and young man sad beyond belief

Co-dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 1

We all have innate need for warm, caring, loving relationships.  Then, how do we end up feeling like the walking wounded who have painful and sometimes tragic lives? Understanding co-dependence can begin to unlock some very troubling and often unanswered questions.

Questions from the Walking Wounded

  • How do we become men or women who feel out of touch with our own feelings, needs and desires?
  • How did we become full of self-doubts?  Why are some of us continually longing for something more than experiencing fear, shame, loneliness, depression, anxious-thinking, or deep sadness that seem to encompass our very soul?
  • What happened to our spontaneous sense of wonder and to our natural creativity?
  • What happened to our happiness and why?


We All Need Security and Healthy Modeling of Emotions

John Bradshaw offers an explanation relating to children, but since we need healthy modeling of emotions all during our lives, I believe this information can be appreciated and related to as applying to adults, at times of departure from our true worth, as well as to children.

Notice these two pictures of children. The first picture shows a child whose home is full of distress, and the next child represents a child that has a healthier home environment.

According to Bradshaw in his book Homecoming, he says “Children need security and healthy modeling of emotions in order to understand their own inner signals.  They also need help in separating their thoughts from their feelings.” He points out how, when the child’s experiences extreme distress or trauma in the family environment , “the child must focus solely on the outside.  Over time, he loses the ability to generate self-esteem from within. Without a healthy inner life, one is exiled to trying to find fulfillment on the outside.   This is co-dependence

What is Co-dependence

Bradshaw goes on to say,To be codependent is to be out of touch with one’s feelings, needs and desires.”

Co-dependence is not the same as becoming “one-in-purpose” like in a healthy, harmonious relationship where two people interrelate with each other without losing their sense of individual gifts, strengths and identity and without compromising their values.

In co-dependent relationships, people put aside their own vital self-care and innate well-being and values to maintain a relationship with another.  They often feed off the neediness of another or devote all their life’s time and attention to them.

As you’re growing up or, even as an adult, when you trust and depend on someone that’s, in reality, not dependable, you can develop co-dependence without even knowing it.  Emotional deficits begin to exist.  Painful patterns of behavior develop. Co-dependency can develop even if you’ve had a peaceful upbringing. It can begin even if you’re bringing your own best efforts to a relationship and are willing to do what it takes to create harmony and fun.  When things aren’t going like you expected, you just recognize something’s off, but may not be able to put your finger on exactly what’s going wrong.

The Loss of Self-hood

In a PBS special long ago, John Bradshaw used a mobile, which is kind of like a wind chime, to illustrate what happens in co-dependent relationships. The mobile is at rest, yet when one piece is tugged on, all the other pieces, of necessity, move.  That’s how it is in a family system, If there’s someone with control issues, anger issues or addictions and so forth, the whole system is out of balance and strives to regain equilibrium again.

Most professionals agree that co-dependency is about the loss of self-hood. Bradshaw also states that “Co-dependency is a condition wherein one has no inner life.  Happiness is on the outside.  Good feelings and self-validation lie on the outside. Pia Mellody’s definition of co-dependency is “a state of dis – ease whereby the authentic self is unknown or kept hidden, so that a sense of self … of mattering … of esteem and connectedness to others is distorted, creating pain and distorted relationships.”

Bradshaw also says, “Co-dependence is fostered in unhealthy family systems. For example, everyone in an alcoholic family becomes co-dependent on the alcoholic’s drinking. The alcoholic father is absorbed in drinking and the codependent mother is absorbed with the alcoholic.  Because the drinking is so life-threatening to each family member, they adapt by becoming chronically alert (hypervigilant).  Adaptation to stress was intended by nature to be a temporary state.  It was never intended to be chronic. Over time, a person living with the chronic distress of alcoholic behavior loses touch with his own internal cues—his own feelings, needs, and desires.The same is true for any … chronic distress, including addictions to work or …activities, eating disorders, addictions to control or perfectionism, or mental or physical illness.”

What’s Next?

Watch for Co—dependence: The Walking Wounded, Part 2 and Part 3.

Need help knowing what TO do instead of following co-dependent patterns? 


Access our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E online class trainings to view at your own pace. There is a mini-class that helps you elevate your thought, patterns, habit patterns and family patterns (just the basics), and a complete class that takes a deeper dive into tips, tools and information that can help you make sense out of life. We put generational issues and addictive or abusive family patterns, and more, under the microscope for clarity of understanding. If you’re looking for small group support as well as online coaching, so you can put an end to the isolation of feeling alone, JOIN US for our Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles. Watch for the next enrollment dates. We’re waiting for YOU!

CLICK HERE to view ALL the free presentations and other current support we can offer you.

You Are TODAY’S ChangeMaker!

As TODAY’s ChangeMakers in our family lines, we are here to create positive change in spite of any disruptions or destructive patterns in our families of origin or in spite of what may be occurring in our family now.

Each of us can ignite the light of extraordinary family purpose in ourselves and our families.  We do it by igniting the light of our own personal power to influence others for good through making principle-centered choices, in order to secure the home and stabilize society.

Check out these class offerings that can help you strengthen your ability to live beyond
co-dependence.  This excerpt in this blog post has been taken from the Revitalize Your Inner Worth: Get Out of the S.L.U.D.G.E. Complete Class.  Break free and rise above destructive thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns, so YOU can fill your highest priorities with full purpose of heart. 

CLICK HERE to see all the free presentations and class offerings.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com. As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Life’s Journey Prompts-What’s Your Story?

In my opinion, there’s nothing better than journal prompts to use while recording one’s personal history.  An overwhelming task, broken down into bite-sized chunks, becomes totally manageable.

This year I am participating in the #52Stories Project from FamilySearch.org. in order to become a positive INfluence on my family’s inter-generational narrative. Will you join me?

Follow a weekly prompt to write down just one story every week for a year.  By the end of a year, you will be 52 steps and 52 stories closer to having written your personal history.

Don’t worry about missing some prompts.  Start wherever you are.

I use Personal Historian 2 Software to record and organize my personal history by topic as well as my daily journal entries.

Challenge:  Write down the details of your life to “define the dash” that exists between your birth date and death date.

Here are the #52Stories life journey prompts for January through March:

January Theme: Goals and Achievements.  Click here for questions to answer for January.

February Theme: Love and Friendship.  Click here for questions to answer for February.

March Theme: Occupations and Hobbies.  Click here for questions to answer for March.

As you write your Life’s Journey experiences  as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™

  • It will help you see and evaluate your own life more clearly.
  • It will provide INcouragement and awareness for your loved ones who come after you.
  • Family members, including your posterity, will be able to become acquainted with who you really are, not just with who you seem to be, because your thoughts and feelings will be accurate since they come straight from you
  • Some of your loved ones may be able to avoid some pitfalls because of the lessons you’ve learned and passed to them through your written words and through your experiences.
  • You are helping to light the path and lead the way for them to follow, as you gain and maintain physical, emotional and spiritual security for yourself in this topsy-turvy world.

Do not be afraid of your imperfections.  You are not your history.  You may be the catalyst for positive change your family line is waiting for.

Heal the heartbreak of dysfunction and stress in yourself and your family line.
End the isolation of feeling alone in your journey to create positive change with these helpful classes, coaching and small group connections.
Check out our ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles.

Personal History Tool Tips for Spring and Summer:

Flip-Pal™ mobile scanner –  Portable, easy flip-and-scan-technology.  You can even scan pictures in the frame or while they remain in their photo albums!  I sit on the sofa in comfort and scan to my hearts delight.  My grandson’s love to help.  This is a great summer project that connects the whole family to their positive memories.

Legacy Family Tree Softwareis the software I use to easily preserve my genealogical information.  It is important to have a software on your computer for your records.  Don’t rely on online record-keeping alone.

Family ChartMastersCreate a beautiful, Family Tree Chart for your home to strengthen your posterity. Remember your roots and also your one-and-only, unique and vital place on your family tree.

JOURNALriffic– Use the journaling method—the 4 Steps of Discovery—in the ebook I authored.  It was written specifically for TODAY’s ChangeMakers like you. It will you how to put an end to negative thinking and destructive tendencies in yourself or your family line in order to enjoy more peace-of-mind and happiness.

*****

Note:  TODAY’s ChangeMakers™ are sincere, determined men and women who do not give up on creating positive change—in spite of obstacles.  If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com.
*****
Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the owner or a compensated affiliate of the hyperlinked companies, websites, ebooks, classes and membership circles mentioned in this post.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Mom’s INfluence- post-election

My deceased mother has had an influence on my view of the present moment turmoil in the USA.  Here’s a little background.

On Sunday, Jan 22, 2017, I was listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir during the Music and the Spoken Word program on byutv.  The choir was singing a  song my mother loved, THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM.   Because she loved it, in my early years, I began to love it and it’s message, too.  She even bought the sheet music for me, so I could learn the song on the piano when I was in my early teens. When we were gifted tickets to attend the play Man of  La Mancha in downtown Long Beach, CA, I was thriled.  It was a very precious time together for me and my mother. The character Don Quiote, sang this song in the play.

Considering the last few days, amidst all the division and contention in our country which has manifested itself with the election of our 45th President, Donald Trump, I took time for INtrospection.  I refuse to let chaos rule in my heart or mind, and the events of the campaign, election and post-election opposition has caused great unrest in the hearts of so many good people.   I reflected on the fact that I had already known what I stood for (Christ and true principles), and I knew and had been actively working on what I feel called to do, which is to help deeply discouraged men and women understand and rise above childhood or relationship distress or trauma- including divorce. I then saw and read a couple articles from Apostles in our church, and then I heard the choir sing, THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM.  I renewed the clarity in my mind and heart in order to press forward with focus and determination.

I believe each of us thrives when we do what we feel in our own heart matches our own purpose here on earth.  Contention creates such chaos that it is imperative that each of us rebalance withIN and find the harmony there to be able to progress.  These are quite extraordinary times, full of uncertainty.

Before including the lyrics to the song I love (which came from the stability of heart that my mother helped me create), these are a few of my thoughts:

There will always be opposition in life.  Even Jesus Christ was born in humble circumstances to a loving family in a world filled with hatred.  He brought help, healing and love to the world.  It was quite a change for people who had learned to live by the “letter of the law” rather than the “spirit of the law”. Yet those who were drawn to listen to and be taught by Christ while he lived, could feel the truth that resonated within them–for it was INnately planted in their hearts. They remembered those truths from learning them before they came to earth. When we hear INspiring messages, such as in the lyrics of this song, there are those of us who still feel called to help and serve people–in spite of obstacles or the turmoil in the world. We remain true to the calling and purpose that is planted in our hearts.  There are people positioned in countries all over the world who will continue to point the way to rational conversation and who will help create principle-centered solutions.

What I’ve found is:

We must take heart, not fear and not lose hope.  We must not get caught up in hatred of other people or contention.  We are all in God’s hands.  He knows the end from the beginning.  We must each discern what we can do, then simply do our part as we stay anchored to Christ, who IS the way, the truth and the life.

This year, I will help deeply discouraged men and women fill their highest priorities with full purpose of heart.  I will help them learn, with certainty, how to build on a safe, secure, solid foundation as they turn their stress, anxiousness, sorrow and dyfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace in themselves, their families and family lines.

If you happen to be  looking for some guidance and support in 2017, check out my upcoming
ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles by CLICKING HERE.

This is a video with a popular singer from my early childhood.
Andy Williams – The Impossible Dream (The Quest)

https://youtu.be/-KufFjcWOUQ%20
Lyrics

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
And to run where
The brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong
And to love pure and chaste from afar.
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march,
March into hell
For that heavenly cause.

And I know
If I’ll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart
Will lie peaceful and calm
When I’m laid to my rest

And the world will be
Better for this
That one man, scorned
And covered with scars,
Still strove with his last
Ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable,
The unreachable,
The unreachable star.

And I’ll always dream
The impossible dream
Yes, and I’ll reach
The unreachable star.

Songwriters: Joe Darion / Mitchell Leigh
The Impossible Dream lyrics © Helena Music Company
******

Let us not get so caught up in practices that we forget principles.  Let us doubt not and fear not.  Let us remember that by small, yet deliberate deeds, great things come to pass.

To your happiness,
Carolyn

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

What’s Your Story- Life’s Journey Prompt #1

This year I am participating in the #52Stories Project from FamilySearch.org. in order to become a positive INfluence on my family’s inter-generational narrative. Will you join me?

The idea is to follow a weekly prompt to write down just one story every week for a year.  By the end of the year, you will be 52 steps and 52 stories closer to having written your personal history.

I use Personal Historian 2 Software to record and organize my personal history by topic as well as my journal entries.

Challenge:  Write down the details of your life to “define the dash” that exists between your birth date and death date.

This week’s #52Stories life journey prompt is:

Why write down your experiences?

Your experiences as TODAY’s ChangeMaker™ are of great worthBe sure to write them down.

Ordinary events help people know who you really are from the INside out and how you think and operate in the world.  Happy times uplift us. Many of us have come through or are coming through some real rough patches along the way, too. The steps you take and courage you muster to do the almost-impossible has value for those who may follow in your footsteps as they traverse their own path in life.  Never underestimate the value of lessons learned through experiencing difficulty, adversity and personal trials.  Also, sharing happy times brings hope to others when they see that there’s more to life than drudging through it.

Through writing down your life experiences and observations, it may become crystal clear to you and others how an individual can become their best, most happy and capable selves.  You may learn what personal character traits contribute to strong, safe, secure family relationships, and in contract, you can see what detracts from and destroys them.  This knowledge can help you develop a healthy concern about contributing positively to the future of your family line.  It can become a major driver for living a purpose-filled life.  It can help bring direction to the course of life. You may be able to see thought patterns, habit patterns and family patterns through writing things down that help you see what helps you stay strong and, on the other hand, you will be better positioned to identify what is destructive so you can take steps to help change it.

Ready, Set, GROW!

Heal the heartbreak of dysfunction and stress in yourself and your family line.
End the isolation of feeling alone in your journey to create positive change with these helpful classes, coaching and small group connections.
Check out our ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles.

Personal History Tool Tip of the Week
JOURNALriffic– Use the journaling method—the 4 Steps of Discovery—in the ebook I authored.  It was written specifically for TODAY’s ChangeMakers like you. It will you how to put an end to negative thinking and destructive tendencies in yourself or your family line in order to enjoy more peace-of-mind and happiness.

*****
Note:  TODAY’s ChangeMakers™ are sincere, determined men and women who do not give up on creating positive change—in spite of obstacles.  If you haven’t already done so, I invite you to officially JOIN THE QUEST at Family Tree Quest.com.

*****
Disclosure of Material Connection: In accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising,” I am disclosing that I am the owner or a compensated affiliate of the hyperlinked companies, websites, ebooks, classes and membership circles mentioned in this post.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Christmas Remembrance Prompts 19-24

Cultivate remembrance this Christmas with personal history prompts organized by Thomas MacEntee.  For many years, his online community of over 3,000 family history GeneaBloggers enjoyed using his Advent Calendar of Christmas Memories which ended in Christmas 2015.  With special permission to post here, it is still possible for you to write your family’s holiday history twenty-four different ways during twenty-four days in December!

Here’s a few days of prompts for writing your personal holiday history:

December 19 – Christmas Shopping
How did your family handle Christmas Shopping? Did anyone finish early or did anyone start on Christmas Eve?

December 20 – Religious Services
Did your family attend religious services during the Christmas season? What were the customs and traditions involved?

December 21 – Christmas Music
What songs did your family listen to during Christmas? Did you ever go caroling? Did you have a favorite song?

December 22 – Christmas and Deceased Relatives
Did your family visit the cemetery at Christmas? How did your family honor deceased family members at Christmas?

December 23 – Christmas Sweetheart Memories
Do you have a special memory of a first Christmas present from a sweetheart? How did you spend your first Christmas together? Any Christmas engagements or weddings among your ancestors?

December 24 – Christmas Eve
How did you, your family or your ancestors spend Christmas Eve?

This is a great way to record part of your personal history.  You may want to use these prompts with your Personal Historian software, and you’ll be a step ahead in documenting your personal history and preserving it for your posterity. I also enjoy scanning pictures with my Flip-pal mobile scanner. and storing the pictures in collections with my Heritage Collector Suite software.  Since Christmas is coming, it would be a delight to find these items under your tree this year.

For family-centered gift-giving ideas, CLICK HERE.

Join the Quest to create positive change in your family and family line.
Leave your name and email at FamilyTreeQuest.com

Join me on my Facebook Page at Family Tree Gal.  Let’s stay connected!

******
Disclosure of Material Connection: I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
I do not receive a commission from Thomas MacEntee of Geneabloggers for writing these posts.However, I have taken great care to select many affiliates who I believe offer a great service to my web visitors. I am an affiliate of Amazon, Flip-pal Mobile Scanner and LifeStory Productions (Heritage Collector Suite.  I am also an affiliate of the companies found on my FamilyTreeQuest website where you will find family-centered gift giving ideas.  I make a small commission from sales made by clicking links in this post.  There is no extra charge to you.  This helps me to continue my work on the Internet. Thank you for using these links when making purchases.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.

Christmas Remembrance Prompts 12-18

Cultivate remembrance this Christmas with personal history prompts organized by Thomas MacEntee.  For many years, his online community of over 3,000 family history GeneaBloggers enjoyed using his Advent Calendar of Christmas Memories which ended in Christmas 2015.  With special permission to post here, it is still possible for you to write your family’s holiday history twenty-four different ways during twenty-four days in December!

Here’s a few days of prompts to help you write your personal holiday history:

December 12 – Charitable/Volunteer Work
Did your family ever volunteer with a charity such as a soup kitchen, homeless or battered women’s shelter during the holidays? Or perhaps were your ancestors involved with church groups that assisted others during the holiday?

December 13 – Holiday Travel
Did you or your ancestors travel anywhere for Christmas? How did you travel and who traveled with you? Do you remember any special trips?

December 14 – Fruitcake – Friend or Foe?
Did you like fruitcake? Did your family receive fruitcakes? Have you ever re-gifted fruitcake? Have you ever devised creative uses for fruitcake?

December 15 – The Holiday Happenings!
Often times December to mid-January birthdays and anniversaries get over shadowed by the Christmas/Hanukkah/New Year holidays. So we’re going to shine a spotlight on those family members and ancestors this time around. Select one or more December to mid-January birthdays and/or anniversaries on your family tree. Write a short tribute to or memory of those birthday guys and gals and write a toast to the anniversary couples.

December 16 – Christmas at School
What did you or your ancestors do to celebrate Christmas at school? Were you ever in a Christmas Pageant?

December 17 – Grab Bag
Author’s choice. Please post from a topic that helps you remember Christmases past!

December 18 – Christmas Stockings
Did you have one? Where did you hang it? What did you get in it? Do you have any Christmas stockings used by your ancestors?

This is a great way to record part of your personal history.  You may want to use these prompts with your Personal Historian software, and you’ll be a step ahead in documenting your personal history and preserving it for your posterity. I also enjoy scanning pictures with my Flip-pal mobile scanner. and storing the pictures in collections with my Heritage Collector Suite software.  Since Christmas is coming, it would be a delight to find these items under your tree this year.

For family-centered gift-giving ideas, CLICK HERE.

Join the Quest to create positive change in your family and family line.
Leave your name and email at FamilyTreeQuest.com

Join me on my Facebook Page at Family Tree Gal.  Let’s stay connected!

******
Disclosure of Material Connection: I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
I do not receive a commission from Thomas MacEntee of Geneabloggers for writing these posts.However, I have taken great care to select many affiliates who I believe offer a great service to my web visitors. I am an affiliate of Amazon, Flip-pal Mobile Scanner and LifeStory Productions (Heritage Collector Suite.  I am also an affiliate of the companies found on my FamilyTreeQuest website where you will find family-centered gift giving ideas.  I make a small commission from sales made by clicking links in this post.  There is no extra charge to you.  This helps me to continue my work on the Internet. Thank you for using these links when making purchases.

About Family Tree Gal, Carolyn Calton Carolyn Calton

Serving people who have hidden heartaches and unresolved personal struggles, Carolyn Calton is the founder of FamilyTreeQuest.com and HealingYourFamily.com.

As a ReNEW YOU Self Worth and Relationship Revitalization educator and coach, Carolyn teaches individuals and families how to turn from heartache to happiness in themselves, their families and family lines by understanding how to live true to who they really are as TODAY’s ChangeMakers. Those who join her ReNEW YOU Classes and Joyful Breakthrough Membership Circles learn how to turn stress, anxious-thinking, anger and dysfunction to hope, direction, happiness and peace. She is a teacher and facilitator of principles that can set the hearts of men and women free from the pain and chains of guilt, toxic shame and the effects of oppression. Her students are then empowered to walk forward with courage and confidence as they fill their highest priorities with stability and full purpose of heart.